“Depends on the weather,” I answered. “I love a cool dip in the ocean, but I’ll admit, I don’t always feel that ambitious to climb up and down those stairs.”
“I do not blame you. I did that climb. It’s a miracle I had the strength to climb through your kitchen window.”
I chuckled. “I still cannot believe you did that.”
“A girl has to do what she has to do when things are desperate.”
“I’m glad you did it.”
“Have you been to your house?”
“No.”
“Did you take care of the business you had with Charlie?”
I blew out a breath, my hand absently traveling up and down her arm. “I don’t know. Not really.”
“What do you need to do?”
“That’s the thing. I’m not sure.”
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asked. “You only said it was something to do with the business.”
I didn’t want to tell her because I felt like an asshole for my part in the situation. I shouldn’t have left them hanging. I should have thought about what I was doing before I up and left. “That meeting I missed didn’t just cost me a sale. Charlie and I have worked together a lot. He understands me and can read between the lines of my designs. Other mechanics don’t always get what I’m trying to do. Because of that, Charlie’s company handles a large chunk of the manufacturing and building of my designs.”
“Does he own the company?”
“No, but he is one of the heads, even though no one would ever realize it. He’s always got dirty hands and his head in an engine. He hired a crew in anticipation of business picking up with the new fan and rudder design I was supposed to present. The shipping industry is just as rife with rumors and gossip as an old ladies’ book club.”
“Hey,” she said and slapped at my chest. “I used to be in a book club.”
“And how much reading did you actually do?”
She softly laughed. “Good point. Go on.”
“When I didn’t show, it pissed off a lot of people. I didn’t present the design, and therefore, Charlie’s guys have nothing to build. They have plenty of other work, but that’s the work that will keep his regular crew going. The extra team has nothing to do.”
“Ouch. That’s a lot of pressure to put on one guy.”
“Maybe, but I feel responsible. I paid the payroll for a month to keep those guys on, but that’s not going to solve the problem.”
“Does that mean you’re going to release that design then?”
I blew out a breath, staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t know. I suppose I could have a proxy do it for me, but I don’t think anyone can explain it as well as I can.”
“Of course not. You are the designer. You are the mastermind. You are the one they want to hear from.”
“Which is why I’m kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I retired.”
She turned her face up to look at me. “You retired?”
“That was my plan.”
“Oh.”
“Not permanently,” I clarified. “At least I don’t think so. I sound like a nutjob. I really had not given it a lot of thought. I just knew I was done with the life I had. I wasn’t sure where I was going but something had to change.”
“I remember,” she said, sounding disappointed. “Are you rethinking your decision?”
“I think I am. Unfortunately, judging by the emails I have gotten and the messages my assistant has passed along to me, I think my retirement might be inevitable. It isn’t really my choice anymore.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I burned some bridges. Not just burned. I blew them up. I imploded my own reputation. I’m not sure anyone will ever take me seriously again. The general consensus is something along the lines of I lost my shit and have moved to some hideaway. I’m a laughingstock in the industry. I don’t think I could get anyone to the table, let alone get them to buy my new idea. They will laugh me right out of the room. It was a stretch when my reputation was intact.”
She moved her head away from my chest and rested it on the pillow. I turned to my side to face her.
“I think your first question is to ask yourself what you want,” she said. “Like really want.”