“I know you’ve got a lot going on. I get it, but man, you kind of left a lot of people hanging back here.”
“Charlie, how can I care about that? Why would I care?”
“Because my future is on the line. The guys that work for me have been gearing up to begin work on this retrofit. You no-showed to a meeting you called with some of the top shipping magnates in the country. Hell, the world. They flew in from all over and you didn’t even have the courtesy to tell them to fuck off.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I answered honestly. “I really don’t. I guess because I don’t care. I don’t give a shit.”
“Don’t say that. This is temporary. You are in rough shape right now, but you will get through this. Don’t blow up your entire career.”
I shook my head, anxiousness and anger boiling in my belly. “I don’t care. Seriously, I don’t care.”
“Xander, come on, man. You know Kade wouldn’t want you to destroy everything you’ve worked so hard for.”
“You don’t know what Kade would want,” I snapped. “Kade would probably have liked to live. But guess what? We don’t always get what we want.”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t suppose we do, but this is in your control. You can change this. You can do what you’ve set out to do. You have the design. All you need to do is show the world. The rest will fall into place. Me and my team are ready to put it to work.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not interested in any of it anymore.”
“Don’t do this,” he begged. “Take a minute and think about what you’re doing.”
“I have. Goodbye.”
I ended the call and tossed the phone on the bed. I yanked open the curtains and stared out at the ocean. It was the same ocean that had captivated Kade’s attention when he had been at my place. It was strange to think he would never look at it again.
I pulled myself out of the funk I was falling into. I didn’t want to go down that road. I didn’t want to feel distraught and sad. Somewhere over the last two days, I had found a place that was devoid of pain. I didn’t feel anything. I erected a magic forcefield around me and was hunkering down.
It was time to face the very thing I came to Oregon to deal with. I was putting it off, but that wasn’t going to make it go away. I grabbed the keys to the rental car I picked up at the airport in Portland and drove out to my father’s modest house near the beach.
I knocked on the door, feeling an acidic burn low in my belly. When he finally opened the door, I immediately regretted my decision to show up unannounced. He was drunk. I could smell the alcohol coming off him in waves. His eyes were bloodshot, and it didn’t look like he had showered in days. I doubted he had. Probably not since he got the news.
“Dad,” I said, unsure of what to expect from him.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked.
I shrugged. “What do you think I’m doing here?”
“You shouldn’t have come.”
He walked away from the front door. I followed him into the house and watched as he poured a glass of straight Jack before taking a drink.
“I came to help with the funeral arrangements,” I said.
He scoffed. “You don’t need to do a damn thing. It’s already taken care of.”
“What? How? You said he wasn’t even back home yet.”
He scowled at me with his lip curling in utter disgust. “It’s been taken care of. The Marines have followed Kade’s directives. He will be receiving full military honors.”
I slowly nodded. I knew what Kade would have asked for. Part of me struggled to think of his body no longer in this world. He would have chosen cremation. I wasn’t going to be able to look at his face one last time. I wasn’t going to get the chance to say goodbye. He was well and truly gone.
A stark feeling of emptiness washed over me. It nearly dropped me. It was as if my insides had been carved out and I was a hollow shell. I looked at my father who had taken a seat at the kitchen table. His shoulders, usually thrown back with his chest puffed out, were sagging. His back was bowed. He looked deflated. I knew what I was feeling and