“Please,” she whispered. “I know this is the grief talking. Don’t push me away. Don’t shut me out. We will get through this together. You do not have to be alone.”
I let out a sigh. “You are not getting it. I’m doing this for your own good. I’m not a man you want to be with. Trust me. Your father was right. I’m never going to be the guy that dotes on you and treasures your love. I don’t love. I don’t know how to love. If we had a relationship, it would be all one-sided. You would be putting in all the work. It would be a pointless exercise in futility. Just walk away.”
“I can’t walk away. I don’t back down from a challenge.”
“This isn’t a challenge you can win. It will only hurt you in the long run. Walk away. I don’t want this. We’ve had a good time, but it’s time to get back to reality. This thing between us is finished.”
“No.”
That was not what I expected. “Evie, this isn’t something you can reject.”
“Yes, it is. You are in a lot of pain right now. You are a wounded animal lashing out. I won’t let you push me away when you need me the most.”
“You are wrong!”
“I’m not wrong.”
“I want to be alone. I don’t want to be a dick, but I need you to leave.”
I could see the emotions running through her. I was being harsh. It seemed to be the only thing that worked. She was too fucking stubborn. “I will give you some time today, but I’m not going to abandon you.”
“I will never love you,” I told her and got to my feet. “I know that’s what you think this is, but it isn’t. I don’t love. I’m not wired like that. Your father warned you. He told you I was selfish and self-absorbed. As much as I hate to say your father was right, he was. I can’t do it. I don’t have the energy to love another person. I don’t want to try. I don’t want to hurt you, and I’m really not trying to do that, but it’s better if this ends now before things really get serious.”
“Don’t do this,” she whispered. “Don’t say something you will regret.”
“I never do,” I answered matter-of-factly. “This is who I am.”
“I refuse to believe that,” she shot back. She said the words with firmness, but I could see her bottom lip quivering.
“I’m sorry, but this is for the best. Please, just go. Leave me alone. I have things to do and I don’t need a tagalong. I don’t need you worrying about me. I’m fine. This thing I have to do does not involve you.”
She used the heel of her hand to wipe away a tear that had slid out from her eye. “You don’t have to do this.”
“I do.”
“You don’t. You know I can help. You know I’m able to handle this. You know you are different with me.”
I smirked. “Maybe, but that doesn’t change who I am at my very core. Look at the last couple of weeks, Evie. I have barely paid you any attention. I’ve been caught up in my work. That’s who I am. I don’t think about others. I don’t return phone calls when I should. I don’t make time for people. I do what I want. What you experienced the last couple of weeks, that’s who I really am. If Kade was here, he would tell you the same thing. He was my only fucking brother and I was too busy to call him or visit him. That’s the man I am. Now go.”
She wiped her cheeks again, her eyes flashing pain and anger. “I’ll go, but I’m not giving up on you. You better believe that. I won’t intrude on your grief, but I will be here. I will call you and I will check in on you. Believe it or not, I know better.”
I turned and walked out of the kitchen without saying a word. I couldn’t stand to look at her and see her pain. Pain I had caused. I heard the front door close a minute later and breathed a sigh of relief. She was gone. I didn’t want her around me. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want her to feel the sting of my rejection and the absence of my attention when I ignored her.