Let It Go - Peter Walsh Page 0,69

but it’s either going to have to wait until the scheduled business is handled, or it will require a new meeting.

Although emotions may run high during the downsizing, and separating your feelings from your family possessions can be difficult, it’s important for participants not to act and react from a highly emotional place during these discussions. It’s unlikely that you’d shout or cry during a staff meeting or a business function. Similarly, this behavior shouldn’t have a place at these downsizing meetings.

8. Compromise, but be ready to let it go. When conflicts arise, try to settle them as soon as possible. At some point, you or another participant will probably lose a treasure that you hoped to keep, or you’ll fail to get your way on an important decision.

If someone else gets a treasure you wanted, can you find a partially acceptable solution? Would you be satisfied with taking a picture of this painting or vase? Can you trade it back and forth periodically? Can you find a different treasure in your parents’ home that evokes a similar memory?

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Action Steps Important in Family Downsizing

Action steps are things that participants at the meeting agree will take place either before the next meeting or within a certain amount of time. Be sure to write down all the agreed-upon action steps and who is responsible for completing them. A review of the previous action steps should be the first item on the agenda of any meeting.

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If none of these compromises work, just remember that letting go during downsizing sometimes means you have to let go of disappointment and resentment over decisions that didn’t end like you wanted. It’s not likely that everyone will be 100 percent happy with every decision. That’s just the way these situations work out.

STEP 6: DIVIDE YOUR FAMILY’S TREASURES

As you stand in your parents’ home and prepare to distribute their stuff, I recommend that everyone start by asking for the treasures that are deeply important to them. Generally speaking, these are the things you want to keep because they have a high sentimental value, not because you can resell them for their monetary value. You’ll likely keep these in a safe place for the rest of your life, then offer them to your own kids.

These treasures are the best type of Memory Item you’ll find in your parents’ house. As you may recall from here, the other types of objects in this category are:

The trinkets

The forgotten

The malignant

As much as possible, take home only treasures, not these other types of memory-related possessions. If a trinket or long-forgotten item rises to the level of a treasure, then keep it. If not, let it go. Throw away any malignant items you find in your parents’ home. These are the objects that raise negative or painful memories or emotions.

Earlier in the book, I described the treasure map exercise that helps you find the treasures within your own household collection, and it will also work well as you downsize your parents’ possessions. (It’s here.) To create a treasure map for your parents’ home, start by coming up with your most important memories of your parents, your grandparents, and your childhood that you want to preserve. These are the “bests, mosts, and greatests” of your past, like:

The best artwork I created as a child

The greatest vacation we took when I was growing up

My favorite memory of the times I spent with my grandmother (and grandfather, favorite aunt, and so forth)

The best example of mom or dad’s creativity

How many items you choose is up to you. If your parents’ estate is small, or they didn’t keep many sentimental items, or you have six siblings like I do, you might only come away with a few treasures.

But if their home was large and full of goodies, you should still put a limit on yourself. I recommend the Dining Room Table Test here: Take no more than the number of objects that will fit on the dining room table in your home. Also, try to come up with your “bests, mosts, and greatests” memory list first, then find objects tied to those memories, rather than picking items and then coming up with a rationale for why you should keep them.

I recommend that you share this treasure-finding strategy with your siblings. I hope that they will see the value in following it, as this will probably help you work better as a team. But they’re free to ask for the items they want, as long