Let It Go - Peter Walsh Page 0,66

a picture frame or under the base of a lamp), or everyone can log their choices in a book.

If everyone can get started in a relaxed, happy frame of mind while one or both parents are alive, it can help your family reduce the need for decisions later under the shadow of stress and grief.

DOWNSIZING YOUR PARENTS’ BELONGINGS WHEN THEY’RE GONE

STEP 4: LOOK TO YOUR PARENTS’ WISHES

This book is aimed at helping you make the best decisions about physical possessions that you own, or will own when you inherit them. After your parents pass away, legal documents and proceedings will likely determine how at least part of their estate is distributed. I’m not a legal expert, and the purpose of this book isn’t to advise you how to divide up any bank accounts, retirement nest eggs, real estate, or life insurance that your parents left.

But I can say that the first step in downsizing after your parents are gone is to comply with the many legal requirements that arise. It’s important to also listen to your parents’ wishes on who should receive what. They may have gone into great detail about how their household possessions should be divided. Or they may give you and their other heirs more freedom to divide up their estate in a fair manner as you see fit.

So now is the time to follow the wishes that your parents expressed. Unfortunately, now is also the time when your family may resist discussing how the estate will be divided. Or some families start bickering and voicing their displeasure with the will or other legal directions very early. I would urge you to create an atmosphere of understanding and collaboration from the very beginning. Try to start working as a team as soon as you can.

If your parents created a will, that will typically has an executor, notes Brian Caverly, a semi-retired Pennsylvania attorney and author of Estate Planning for Dummies. This is the person who’s legally charged with ensuring that everyone follows the directions in the will. This includes dividing up your parents’ estate like they wanted and making sure that the estate pays any bills or debts that your parents still owed. If your parents created a trust, it will have a trustee, who has a similar responsibility to carry out your parents’ wishes.

Your parents may have chosen you or one of your siblings to take on the role of executor or trustee. Or perhaps several siblings are declared coexecutors or co-trustees. However, sometimes people look to outsiders to take this role, such as a lawyer or family friend.

These roles are an important responsibility. Hopefully, your parents put careful thought into picking the person to take this job. The executor or trustee speaks for your parents now that they can no longer do so, and distributes the assets that they worked so hard to attain. It’s a big job that can be stressful and quite time-consuming.

If you’re the executor or trustee, understand that a lot of people are counting on you to do this job well. You’re likely going to have to file tax returns, keep track of the value of your parents’ assets, and manage a lot of details during a time when you’re probably not feeling your strongest emotionally. You may also have to defend your late parents’ wishes to unhappy family members. Understand your duties and know what you can and cannot do in this role. Be ready to reach out for assistance from a lawyer or accountant if you’re unclear about any task.

Also, keep careful records and be completely transparent with your siblings and any other heirs. Avoid giving them any reason to be suspicious of how you’re handling money or property. If they do question any of your actions, be ready to show documentation for everything you’ve done.

If a sibling is the executor or trustee, understand that this person may feel an extra degree of pressure during the downsizing. Be ready to provide help as needed. Also understand that this person is likely entitled by law to take compensation from the estate for doing this job. He or she may accept it (which is a reasonable choice, given the work involved) or choose to turn it down (perhaps to preserve family unity).

If someone outside the family is the executor or trustee, it’s a good idea to double-check to ensure that this person is meeting all the deadlines, handling the tasks appropriately, and following the directions of the legal document your parents