Let It Go - Peter Walsh Page 0,56
those kinds of situations,” Caverly says. “You’ll want to have someone who’s evenhanded and is going to do what mom or dad wanted. It also helps to have someone with some knowledge of accounting, who can keep records, and who understands the filing requirements for taxes. You’ll at least want someone with the capacity to understand what the issues are and who can hire a lawyer or accountant, if necessary.”
Sometimes people look to outsiders to take these roles, such as a lawyer or family friend. Depending on your circumstances, you may want to explore this option.
A durable power of attorney. This allows someone you trust—such as your spouse, an adult child, a sibling, or a friend—to step in and make important decisions on your behalf if you become incapacitated. Quite a few illnesses and injuries can leave you in this position, even if you’re young.
It’s possible to give one person the power to handle different types of health-care and financial decisions. Or you can give one person power of attorney for health matters and someone else power of attorney for money-related issues.
A living will. This is different from the type of will that distributes your property to your loved ones. Among other things, a living will specifies what kind of medical treatment you want at the end of your life. If you require machines to keep you alive, and you’re never going to improve, do you want your doctors to step back and just keep you comfortable until the end? Or do you want every treatment in the hospital in order to stay alive as long as possible? This document lets you decide—so someone else doesn’t have to.
STEP 5: RETURN OTHER PEOPLE’S STUFF TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS
You’ll be giving back:
Things that aren’t yours
As you downsize your home, it’s likely that you’ll find things that belong to someone else: stuff you borrowed and never returned, items you’ve promised to someone and never delivered, and all the things that your kids left behind when they moved out or that you saved for them because you just knew they’d want them one day.
Guess what? Today is that day!
Things That Belong to Someone Else
Even though these items aren’t yours, giving them up can be difficult. That’s because you may have to make an awkward call to your friend, neighbor, or sibling to admit that you still have their chainsaw or casserole dish. A little humor will undoubtedly help here. (“I only kept this thing so long so I’d have an excuse to call you and chat someday. So here we are!”)
Offer to return the item. If the equivalent of the statute of limitations has expired and they no longer need it, then suggest you’d happily donate it to charity. (Bonus move: If you have another possession that you know this person might want, offer it up as a way of repaying the interest for the thing she loaned you.)
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Real-World Downsizing Discovery
Rose says: After my husband and I got married, my mother-in-law gave him a box of things he left behind at her house. She didn’t feel it was her place to just get rid of his “stuff.” She gave him more boxes for his birthday and Christmas for quite a few years, wrapped in beautiful paper with a bow. They contained jeans many sizes too small, his coin collection, motorcycle parts, and college memorabilia. We’d create and rehash memories when he opened each box, and we laughed so hard until we cried over the contents.
We kept very little from those gifts—only what meant the most—and we “re-homed” most of the contents. I have shared this story repeatedly over the years with many mothers who wondered what to do with the things their children left behind. Now with both of my girls married with homes of their own, I am continuing the tradition.
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Things You’ve Been Saving for Your Kids
It’s so common for parents to save things for their children that I’m surprised when I’m helping them downsize and they don’t have boxes of schoolwork and art projects to give their kids when they move into their first apartment or buy their starter home.
I’ll share a hard truth with you here: In my experience, saving things that belonged to your children is more likely related to your difficulty admitting that your kids are grown and independent than it is about preserving things your kids really need or want.
Also, those toys and toddler books that hold strong emotions and wonderful memories for you