Let It Go - Peter Walsh Page 0,54

itself: Tell other people where you want your stuff to go after you’re gone.

This task is not necessarily important for this particular downsizing. But it’s absolutely crucial that you do it sooner rather than later. If you have time to do it now, do it now. If not, then do it as soon as possible after you finish your downsizing-related move.

A recent survey found that nearly two-thirds of Americans don’t have a will. Among Americans with children, 55 percent don’t have this vital document.

People in their twenties, thirties, and early forties are especially unlikely to have a will. I suspect that it’s because it takes time to do estate planning, and when you’re young, you tend to think you’ll live forever. If you want to ensure that all the i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed, it also takes money to hire a lawyer with the expertise to write the will. That said, the time, effort, and money are definitely worth the peace of mind it brings.

But I’d venture to say that the main reason why people may find estate planning even less appealing than downsizing is because it makes them think about their deaths. More specifically, it requires thinking about your loved ones coping with your death, which is its own special flavor of unpleasant. So it’s easier not to do this planning and let your fear of dying smolder quietly on some deep level.

It’s time to dig down and confront your mortality. Reframe this fear so it becomes a precious gift that you give your family.

Look, you’re going to die whether or not you do this planning (and I’m fairly certain that writing your will won’t make you die sooner). After you’re gone, don’t you want your loved ones to say, “We sure are glad that Dad and Mom were smart and caring enough to let us know their wishes in advance! We don’t have to figure this out on our own, or perhaps even worse, have to follow a court’s decision.”

The way you live your life (including the choices you make to keep or let go of possessions) helps create your legacy. Maybe you’ve worked hard, saved and invested your money well, and built up valuable assets to leave to your spouse, kids, and grandkids so their lives will be a little easier. Or maybe you won’t be able to leave them as much stuff with monetary value, but you hope to set an example of how to live a caring and thoughtful life. Maybe you want your property and your good example to create your legacy.

So make sure your physical possessions—and everything else of value, like investments and life insurance—will be distributed the way you want after you’re gone. While you’re at it, make your wishes known about how you want to be cared for if you can’t speak for yourself.

You can do these things by having honest conversations with your loved ones, as well as by creating and updating several key legal documents.

Talk with Your Family

If your adult children or other loved ones are gathering to help you with a later-in-life downsizing, consider whether you want to pass along some of your family heirlooms and prized possessions now.

If you’re not ready to give them up now—or they’re not ready to take them—perhaps you can have a conversation about where you want these items to go. If you don’t want to pick a specific recipient, let your kids know which items are special enough that you hope they stay in the family, and let them work together to call dibs on the items in advance. You might want to mark items with a little hidden tag with the name of the recipient, jot it down in a notebook, or both. (It may also be a good idea to provide this information in your will.)

If your kids don’t want your treasures, don’t try to guilt them into taking them. These things are important to you. They mark your happy memories, your identity, and your accomplishments. These may not be a meaningful way that your children would choose to remember you. Furthermore, your kids don’t have to have a reason for not wanting your things. They get to choose which items they want in their homes, just like you do.

Offer your possessions in a spirit of generosity, but if your kids (or grandkids or other loved ones) decline them, accept their decision calmly. It’s your stuff they’re rejecting, not you.

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