Let It Go - Peter Walsh Page 0,45
children, parents, and other family members. This understanding creates stronger, more-authentic connections.
With this knowledge, your decisions will be less likely to cause damage and hurt feelings compared to downsizers who make choices that are self-serving, hasty, and poorly informed.
Of course, some people just won’t be pleased with any decision that they don’t get to make completely on their own. If you’re considerate of your loved ones’ needs and wishes, play fair, and act in good faith, but they’re still unhappy, remember this: Letting go means allowing other people to have their own responses, then giving them time to work through it on their own schedule.
Reframing tip: You can’t control how another person will react—but you can be confident that you’ve done the best you possibly can, while operating from a true and honest place.
#5: I’m scared about my mortality.
Earlier in your journey, your life was neatly divided into small chunks, roughly 5 years for grade school, 3 for middle school, and 4 apiece for high school and college.
But from your early twenties onward, you may not have had many friendly little reminders that you’re getting older . . . until you downsize. Then a new job (or loss of a job) or a newly empty nest causes you to wonder, “How did this happen? I swear I was 30 the last time I checked!”
Two of the more likely reasons why you might be reading this book are because you’re retiring or your parent is ailing. Both of these events really raise your fear of aging and death.
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Real-World Downsizing Discovery
Rebecca says: My mom’s mother passed away in 1961 at the age of 48. I have vivid childhood memories of my mom still trying to part with her personal belongings. I have always felt that my mom weighed herself down with so much emotional baggage by not shedding these things much earlier. My mom went to work the night her mother passed, and I think she felt quite a bit of guilt for not being there for her dad when he received the news from the hospital. In a way, her inability to move forward from all this heaviness and all of her mom’s belongings shortened her own life. Better to keep the wonderful memories of a loved one in your heart and head than in the attic.
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This fear is actually a form of sadness. Here’s a reframing approach that will help you think about it a little differently: This downsizing is a wake-up call that will make you more aware and engaged in the next phase of your life.
Too many people sleepwalk through their days, worrying about the future and regretting the past. As they fantasize and catastrophize, they’re missing vast swaths of their real lives, which are going on without them. Surrounding yourself with meaningless clutter further blocks out the real world and further impedes you from being in your life.
You now have a marker that serves as the starting point of a new life, which can be just as meaningful and exciting as your high-school graduation.
If anything’s dying, let it be your old fears and worries. Let your daydreams and your “what-ifs” and “should-haves” succumb to their mortality. Pack up the possessions that are meaningful to you, and go have an adventure!
While you’re at it, also use this next phase to strengthen your legacy among your loved ones. How will you be remembered? Be honest. If your kids and grandkids are going to scratch their heads trying to recall what was really important to you, now’s the time to show them. Now’s the time to create the kind of memories that you want to live on after you’re gone . . . which will be a long time from now . . . but you’re not worried about it because you have more life to enjoy.
Reframing tip: There’s no easy way to say this, but here goes: You’re going to die. We all will. So get over it! In the words of a great Holly-wood film, you can get busy living or you can get busy dying. Downsizing well will help you live well.
#6: I’m afraid that my life has been meaningless.
All people have a moment when they stop, look around, and wonder about the meaning of life—and whether their life has it. If, in the middle of downsizing, this happens to you, then welcome to your moment of existential reflection. I’d be surprised if you didn’t have such a moment.
Be careful! This experience can