Let It Go - Peter Walsh Page 0,22

important in old age, when the memory isn’t quite as sharp, to have these devices that remind you and bring you warm memories,” says Dr. Curasi, who’s now the associate director of the Center for Mature Consumer Studies at Georgia State University.

When it’s time to pass certain items to another generation, they become a sort of “inalienable wealth,” she says—in other words, a kind of treasure that’s permanently associated with the giver. She noticed that seniors often put a great deal of thought into determining who would be the best person to receive these treasures.

“They tell stories about why a particular ordinary-looking item is important and about the history of that item. Then seniors often transfer this very valued possession to the younger family member who they feel knows the story the best and who will retell it so the story and the object’s meaning will not be lost,” she says. “Often they’re teaching a love of art, a love of the outdoors, honesty, integrity, and values that are important to the family.”

As you’re deciding which objects to keep as you downsize, give thought to possessions that will spark your memories later in life and that you can pass—like little flames—to younger people who will keep their stories going. If you’re helping your parents downsize, encourage them to share the stories of their treasures and start thinking about who should receive these items.

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Apply this idea to your other keepsakes. If a box of pictures is worth keeping, it’s worth the time to identify the people in the pictures and perhaps jot a few words about what they were doing. If you’re going to want one of your kids to keep a china set, be sure to include a note/video/recording of where the set came from, and perhaps a notable memory from a meal that was served on the dishes.

And if you’re ready to let a treasure go, consider taking a picture of it, then adding your story to it. Sometimes just having the picture is enough to preserve an interesting anecdote for your family to remember.

Collecting stories can provide benefits in another direction, too. If you’re helping your parents downsize before they move into assisted living, they may find consolation in knowing that their stuff will go on to a new life with people who will appreciate it. As a Facebook follower who works with seniors and helps them downsize wrote to me, “As long as I can promise that their things will go to someone who will take care of them and enjoy them, I haven’t had any trouble. Just today, I showed a woman a picture of her deceased husband’s (now vintage) Florsheim mod ankle boots on a 22-year-old hipster kid I gave them to who was thrilled to have them, and she teared up and was so very glad.”

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Three Milestones Bring Highs, Lows, and a Need to Pass Down Family Memories

Nancy Little’s downsizing story feels like a condensed version of this entire book. Her experience includes the ups and downs of smart estate planning, unexpected family conflict, and big breakthroughs. Now, the 57-year-old needs her family treasures to share her story when she can no longer tell it herself.

Nancy’s parents had created a living trust that split their property between Nancy and her two siblings. Also, over time, “We’d said, ‘I’d like to have this, I’d like to have that.’ The three of us knew about certain things that would go to certain people,” Nancy says.

Even so, after their mother died in 2003, the downsizing hit a snag. “My sister got upset about the value of things and thought we should have an appraiser come in and appraise every item down to the saltshakers, so when we split it up, it would be to the penny.” A lawyer estimated that this could cost $30,000.

Nancy awoke one morning with a plan. The siblings would declare that nothing in the home had monetary value. They would draw numbers to choose items they wanted, with the understanding that they’d keep anything they took, and not sell it. At the end, they’d sell anything unclaimed and split the money.

The plan worked, but with repercussions. “When you’re at the family home, the whole sibling dynamic is right back where it was when you were 12, and all those emotions come roaring out. My sister, who was the middle child, brought up so many things from when we were kids,” Nancy says. “We were always close, but after this,