wants me to tickle his mama until she cries out that she’s about to wet her pants? Absolutely, I can do that.
I swear this kid is beyond anything and everything I could’ve dreamed my son to be. I just… I wish I had someone to share that joy with besides Mia.
I’ve told her that whenever she’s ready for Benny to know, I am, too. I want to be his dad more than anything in this entire world, but I also know that it’s something she has to work through. Once he knows, I’m going to have to tell my family, and that’s a step she’s not quite ready for. Which, unfortunately, I understand.
But, it’s getting harder and harder to come up with lies every other weekend for why I’m not going home. I had to miss another one of Logan’s therapy sessions—though, I don’t know that my heart could handle another one.
For him, I’d overcome it.
For him, I’d do anything.
Laney is suspicious, of course, and she thinks that there’s a girl involved. I don’t discredit her assumption, because there is a girl.
Once Benny is tucked into bed at night and it’s just Mia and me, it takes everything in me not to rip off her clothes and throw her down on the couch and do dirty, filthy things to her. We kiss. Or, more specifically, she kisses me. It’s always quick and chaste, and there’s never any tongue, which sucks, because I miss the way she tastes, both her mouth and other parts. She doesn’t do it to tease me. It’s like she can’t control herself, and then she’ll back away as if it never happened, and I roll my eyes, but I also agree with her.
Early on, we decided that getting to know Benny was the priority, and whatever we felt for each other would have to wait. I think there’s still a part of her that fears that she’s forcing me to be in his life, and having us “involved” will only add to that pressure. I’ve tried numerous times to convince her otherwise, but I have to accept that this is her battle she has to conquer on her own.
When we’re apart, I video call them every night, which is what I’m doing now. Mia answers after a few rings, and I can tell right away that she’s exhausted. Benny’s been sick the past few days with a summer cold. Tammy’s in Tennessee visiting her parents, and her dad can’t risk getting sick because he has a conference coming up that he can’t miss. Mia still has to work and study, so she’s been doing a lot on her own, and I hate it for her. Still, I can’t help smiling when she comes into view, her wavy hair up in a messy, lopsided knot on top of her head. Dark circles surround those light brown eyes, there’s no color in her cheeks, and I’m pretty sure there’s some type of red sauce smeared on her chin. She looks… a mess. But god, is she beautiful. “Benny’s playing in the shower,” she says in greeting, then narrows her eyes. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
My smile widens, and I sigh heavily, shaking my head. “I’ve spent a hell of a lot of years in love with you, Mia.” I shrug. “Hard habit to break.”
“Stop it,” she scolds, leaning against the doorframe of what I assume, going by the shower’s noise, is the bathroom. She opens her mouth to say something more, but her eyes dart to the side. “Benny, no! You’re going to break the glass!”
Benny giggles.
After a groan, she turns back to me. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I can’t stop smiling. “How is he?”
“He’s feeling much better the last couple of days, so—” Her focus shifts. “All right! Time to get out. You’re not listening.” To me, she says, “I’m going to get him ready for bed. We’ll call you back in ten.” She hangs up before I can respond, and, ten minutes later, her number shows up on my phone. When I answer, all I see is a black hole.
“Benny, I’m sure Leo doesn’t want to see up your nose,” Mia says.
I chuckle.
And then I’m blessed with the beauty of Bennett. I understand now why Mia named him that. “Hey, buddy!”
“Hi, Leo!” He smiles wide, laying his head on the pillows on his bed. “I peed in the shower.”
I stifle my laugh. “I thought your mama said you shouldn’t do that anymore.”