chest has been tight. I don’t think I realized just how much pressure I’d been putting on myself until this very moment. At Leo’s words, his declaration almost, I feel my lungs physically expand, feel the weight on my shoulders lessen with every second he looks at me.
I’m here, Mia. For you and for Benny. My therapist would tell me that this is one of those moments that I just need to stop, think, and assess. Which is what I do. And what I get out of it is this: all the nerves and the anxiety and hesitation and questions of the unknown… I’m not alone.
I smile at Leo, and as much as I want to hug him, I don’t. I ask, leaning back against the counter. “So… did you have questions about Benny?”
Leo nods, his shoulders deflating a couple of inches. “His birthday?”
“April first.”
He blesses me with a crooked grin. “That’s two days before Katie’s.”
“I know.”
“Full name?”
“Bennett János Kovács.”
Leo’s grin is gone, replaced with a frown.
I let out a sigh. “When he was born, I considered giving him your last name, but…” I don’t elaborate. I can’t. Saying “it hurt too much” seems so fickle now that we’re here—at a place I never thought we would be.
Leo licks his lips. “So, your mom—”
“Oh, god,” I mutter through a short laugh and an eye-roll.
Leo’s smile returns. “It’s just, my aunt Leslee? She’s a gossip, and she would’ve mentioned if your mom had said something about Benny.”
My shoulders lift, and I make my way back to the living room, saying over my shoulder, “She doesn’t know.” I sit on the couch, beer back in my hand, and wait for Leo to do the same. He sits down beside me, his arm outstretched on the back of the couch. I press my back to the armrest, facing him. Once we’re settled, I tell him, “When Papa died, I reached out to her with the funeral plans. She said that—” I scoff, bring the beer bottle to my lips and gulp down half the liquid. “She said that she wouldn’t be there, that Papa played no significant role in her life.”
Leo’s eyes flare with anger. “Besides raising her daughter?”
I nod. “She did say to call her if she was in his will.”
“I hate her, Mia. I mean… you taught me long ago that hatred is useless, but with her…”
“Oh, she’s a toxic b-word,” I agree. “Hence why I don’t want Benny anywhere near her.”
“Smart choice,” he says, clinking my beer with his.
I can’t help smiling at him, or looking at him. Appreciating him. It should be a crime to look as good as he does. I watched him go from a boy, to a teen, to a man, and Leo Preston is all man. Chewing my lip, I force my eyes away from his and lower my beer to the coffee table. That’s enough for tonight, I think, even though the alcohol has nothing to do with my thoughts. It’s been a while since I’ve had the type of pleasure only he—
I shake those thoughts out of my mind—physically shake my head like an idiot—and feel the blush creep to my neck as he smirks over at me.
I realize neither of us has said anything the entire time I’ve been lost in those thoughts, and I wonder how much time has actually passed. Crap. “Anything else?” I rush out. “Questions, I mean. About Benny?” Lord, help me.
“No.” He shakes his head, nose scrunched. “Is it weird that I kind of want to get to know him on my own?”
My heart just melted. For real. “No, it’s sweet.”
“I do have a question though,” he says, placing his beer down next to mine. “And I don’t know if it’s inappropriate.”
“You’re going to ask it anyway, aren’t you?”
“I know you’re not seeing anyone now, but in the past?”
“Um…” I pull my hair to one side and work my bottom lip. “I’ve dated a little,” I confess. “It’s hard, you know, with a kid and all. Not everyone wants to date a single mother.”
“So nothing serious?” he asks.
“There was one.”
His lashes lower. “What happened?”
“He got a job offer in Seattle.”
“And he took it?”
I nod. “He asked me and Benny to join him, but I said no.”
“Why?” His eyes are hard as they watch my every reaction, soak in my every word.
“Because I didn’t love him enough to change my world for him. After that, there was no point in continuing, especially long distance.”