I need to say something. All the words are there, but they’re trapped, and fuck my brain, fuck my inability to speak when I need to. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
“The church choir sang ‘Lean on Me’ at his funeral,” she cries. “The whole town was there. Every single person. It was beautiful, Leo. How many people he touched in his life.”
I’m still shaking, every part of me, and then a pained sound erupts from somewhere, and I don’t realize until her hand takes mine that it came from me.
“He left you some land,” she says.
Jesus Christ. I grasp her hand tighter.
“It’s not a lot. Just a few acres. I think it was his way of telling you that you were important to him.” She pauses a beat. “I’d like to buy it off you.”
I shake my head, manage to mutter, “I don’t want your money, Mia. You can have it.” Then I press the heels of my palms to my eyes, ease the heat building there, and I don’t feel like guilt caused the tears. It’s something else. Something harder.
It’s mourning.
“I tried calling you,” she whispers, and my eyes drift shut because I know where this is going. “That night, after they, um, they said there was nothing more they could do…”
I find the courage to face her now, and I wonder if I look as much of a mess as she does. Her entire face is wet with tears, eyes red.
“I’m pretty sure you blocked my number and Holden’s… and Papa’s, and I just figured…”
“I thought I was doing the right thing.” It’s such a pathetic fucking thing to say, to admit, and what if…
She sniffs once, nodding, and says, her voice filled with clarity, “You were.”
“Mia, I—” She cuts me off with a kiss. On the lips. And it steals my breath and holds it hostage. When she pulls away, she smiles, and it’s such a contrast to everything I’m feeling, but I want it. I want that smile and that kiss because I’ve never stopped wanting it, but just like that night on her swing seat, I know what this means. And when she stands, I look down at my feet and be the first to actually say it. “Goodbye, Mia.”
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Mia
When I leave for the airport the next day, the receptionist behind the desk catches me just before I hit the exit. “Sorry, Miss Kovács. Someone dropped this off for you early this morning.” She’s holding out an envelope, and so I take it and thank her. I wait until I’m in the car before tearing it open. Inside is a sheet of paper ripped from a notebook, folded in thirds. Held on by sticky tape is a single pale-yellow flower.
My mom’s up there with him. She spends her days hugging him and fussing over him and loving on him just like you would. I know...
because I have faith.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Leo
I’d spent many, many hours discussing what to expect at the academy with Misty, so when it actually came time to being there, I was prepared. The first week flew by, and before I knew it, it was Friday afternoon. Even though the academy offered housing, I knew from my time living in the dorms at NC State that I’d rather put my head through a brick wall than go through that again. So, it was an easy decision to rent a one-bedroom apartment at one of those long-term places nearby. Luckily, I’d been working with Dad the past year and a half and had enough money saved that I didn’t have to rely on him to make it happen.
The plan is for me to go home every weekend. Leave Friday night and come back Sunday. I wanted to be there as much as possible. For Logan, mainly, but everyone else, too. It’s true what they say—tragedy really does bring people closer.
I’d done okay with the first week’s work. I’d love to say well, but the truth is, I was distracted. And how could I not be? The day before I left to settle in at the apartment, I went to see Mia, and it went about as well as slicing off my own balls. Painful and irreversible. I assume. I haven’t done it. Yet. So yeah, she’s been on my mind—a lot. And so has John and even Holden. The strange thing is that even though things ended so fucking horribly with my time there, when I think of them, I