“I always knew he wanted out of that town. He had big dreams and aspirations, and I never quite understood them. I didn’t want the same life as him, and I knew… I knew that he’d leave one day and accepted the fact that he’d leave without me. So… you asked if I regret it?”
“Yeah.”
She exhales, long and forced and filled with a weight of a thousand answers. “I don’t regret it, Mia. Not for a second.” I can hear her smile through her words. “I found love. Even if that love was for a moment, not a lifetime… I found love, and I chose to live in that love for however long time would allow me.”
Chapter Forty-Eight
Mia
It’s two hours later when I hear the truck return. I’m still on the porch swing, and so I keep my eyes closed, and I listen for how many car doors close. The girl who was with him the other night is Brianna’s friend, which means she and Leo have that in common, and I don’t know what state of mind Leo’s in or if it even matters or why I’m even thinking about it, but I am. And two hours is a long time to disappear.
One door slams.
I wait.
And wait.
Another door slams.
And then voices.
Two.
“Thanks for doing that, man,” Holden says, and then it’s quiet. “I’m just going to go up and check on her real quick. I’ll walk home.”
Leo replies, “All right. I’ll catch you later.”
The gravel shifts, the barn door closes, and then footsteps on the porch. They stop. Then start again, approaching. “Move,” Holden says, and it’s not rough or demanding. I keep my eyes closed as I lift my head, feel Holden sit down beside me. When he places his hand gently on the side of my head, I lie back down, rest my head on his lap. He strokes my hair and asks, “What are you doing out here?”
“I don’t know,” I breathe out. “I came out here to get the keys, and then Leo was already going to get you, and I thought about my bed and how far away it was, and it just didn’t make sense to go all that way.”
He chuckles, a rumble of a sound from deep in his chest.
“I just spoke to your mom.”
“You did?” he asks, tone kicking up a notch. Holden would never admit it, but he’s a bona fide mama’s boy. “What did you talk about?”
“Just… stuff,” I murmur. “Girl stuff.”
“Well, I’m glad you have her to talk to because I’m way out of my depth here, Mia Mac.” It’s supposed to be a joke, but I can hear the relief in his voice that he no longer has to carry the burden of my problems. “You know… sometimes I wonder what it’s going to be like, growing up and growing old, having a wife and family of my own, and not having you around as much to piss me off.”
I bust out a giggle. Only Holden could change my mood as quickly and effortlessly as he does. “I’ll always be around,” I assure.
His hand in my hair stills. “Will you, though?” There’s a sadness in his voice that has me shifting to my back so I can look up at him. “Sometimes, I worry, is all,” he murmurs, looking ahead.
“What do you worry about?”
His eyes lower, lock on mine. “Nothing. Everything,” he says, shaking his head, his hands moving again. “You.”
“You don’t need to worry about me,” I say through an exhale. “I’ll be fine.”
Gaze searching mine, he chews the corner of his lip, and then he looks away, his chest rising with his heavy inhale. “Are you happy, Mia?” he asks. “I mean, take away all this Leo stuff that’s going on. Are you actually happy? Because I don’t think you are. And I don’t think you’ll ever be because… because I feel like there’s a part of you that believes that you don’t deserve it.” He pauses a beat, his mind working. “And as selfish as it is to admit, to say out loud, it’s killing me. You’re not my best friend because we were forced together as kids. You’re my best friend because I wanted you to be. Do you think it was easy on my dad knowing that his son was spending all that time with his wife’s ex-boyfriend’s daughter? Do you know how many arguments they got into over it? Do you think I cared? No. I