I thought I told him all this, but maybe I didn’t, because he’s looking at me like he has so many questions, and he won’t leave it alone until he gets all the answers. “A few days after I left, she called, and before I could explain anything, she said that she was disappointed in me and that I’d embarrassed her in front of all of you, and just… she said some pretty nasty stuff, so… I cut her out of my life.”
“Good for you,” he says, and there’s the first hint of a smile I’ve seen in days. I miss his smile. And standing opposite him now, I can finally admit to myself that I miss him.
Subconsciously, I look down at my bracelet, the one that matches his, and I fiddle with the clasp, my mind working to think of something to say to keep him here. Even if he doesn’t talk to me, I just want him near.
The oven timer goes off, and I catch myself smiling. “I made lasagna,” I say. “Do you want to take some with you… into the barn?”
Please say no. Please say that you’d rather stay. That you’d rather eat with me.
I slip on the oven mitts, take out the dish, and set it on the counter between us. “See? I made plenty,” I murmur, and then look up at him, because he hasn’t answered. But then I see his eyes, and I’m suddenly scared because they’re clouded with an emotion I can’t decipher.
“What are you so scared of, Mia?” he asks, and it comes out a whisper.
I drop my gaze. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” he says, then clears his throat. “You have all these people in your life who, you say, want nothing to do with you… but then you have me. And I want you. I love you. And you’re pushing me away.” He starts walking around the island, and I panic, retreat. He stops dead in his tracks, shaking his head, his glare raging with fury. “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you,” he spits, and then he storms off, doors slam, and a moment later, music blares.
I stand in the kitchen with my heart in my stomach and tears in my eyes, and Everything! I want to shout, throwing the lasagna in the trash.
Everything is fucking wrong with me.
Holden: Are you on your way? Please say yes!
Holden: Do you not understand what an SOS EMERGENCY means? She’s talking about breeding rabbits on our land and growing marijuana plants.
Five minutes ago, Holden had messaged me. Brianna was still at his house, and she wouldn’t leave. I was supposed to take Papa’s truck and come up with an excuse so that when I got there, he had a reason to take her home. But I haven’t moved. Ever since Leo left, I haven’t wanted to get out of bed. I’ve lain on my back, covers over my head, and I’ve cried. I’ve cried until the tears dried up, and my body shut down long enough for more tears to form, and then I cried some more. The absolute last thing that I want is to leave the house and save him from a stage-five clinger.
I text back:
Mia: I thought she was a good, innocent little thing?
Holden: Mia, I swear to God.
I make up an excuse.
Mia: I can’t find the keys.
Technically true, considering I’m pretty sure Leo had them last.
Holden: Leo has them. And, yes, that means putting your big-girl panties on and having to speak to him.
A pathetic, pitiful sob escapes me.
Mia: Why not ask him to save you?
Holden: He’s not answering my calls or texts.
Mia: What did you do?
Holden: Patience. Thin. If you don’t get here soon, I’ll tell everyone about that time I walked in on you making out with your mirror!
Mia: You would not!
Holden: It was last year, Mia. It wasn’t even cute.
Mia: I’ll be there soon.
Big-girl panties on, I leave the house, go down the porch steps. Leo’s already out, walking toward the truck. “No!” I shout, and I sound crazy. Great.
He turns, brow knit.
“Sorry,” I say, “I just… I need the truck.”
One eye twitches. “So do I.”
“It’s for Holden. I need to—”
“I just called him,” Leo says. “I was deep in study mode and had my phone on silent.”
“Oh, okay, so… you’re good?”
He shrugs. “You can go instead.”
I shake my head, wrinkle my nose. “Don’t really want to have to deal with the girl… not really a fan of confrontation, so…” I