It’s Logan’s voice I hear—his description of me climbing the stairs. My tears feel like loose pieces of wood from the dock as I stood beneath it, cracking, splintering, raining down on me.
“Mia, hey.” Leo’s mouth is at my ear when he holds me from behind, his arms wrapped tightly around me. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. Again. I’m just…” He forcibly turns me to him and cradles my face, tilting my head back. His thumbs swipe at the tears, one after the other. “I’m just scared,” he says. “Because I don’t know what this means—you being here and us… doing this.”
I push down the lump in my throat. “I don’t know, either,” I mumble.
His hold on me loosens. “So what? You’re going to go back to him, crawl into bed beside him and pretend like you and me—”
“No, Leo. We’re not even sleeping in the same bed.”
His gaze searches mine, and then he blinks, his eyes widening as if his vision’s suddenly clear. I wonder if he sees the same things I feel: dirty, filthy, vile. He holds me closer. “I’ll fight him for you, if that’s what it takes.
“You don’t have to do that, Leo.”
“Why not?”
I rear back and sigh—the sound of finally resigning to years and years of torment and heartache. “Because you’ve already won.” It kills me to push him away. “I have to go.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Mia
The sun’s just beginning to rise when I force my eyes open and climb out of Papa’s bed. I send Drake a text telling him that I’m going out to grab something for breakfast, then change quickly and step outside. The morning air is crisp against my nostrils, and it agitates my lungs, heightening my already upset mood. It only takes twenty minutes to walk to Holden’s house. Even though his dad might already be up and working, I don’t knock on the front door. Instead, I walk around the side and practically slam a closed fist on his bedroom window. The curtains part and a half-asleep, shirtless Holden appears. Behind him is Brianna, holding the covers to her chest. I roll my eyes and mouth, “I need to talk to you.”
He nods, holds up a finger, and I march back to the front of the house. It doesn’t take long for Holden to come out, dressed in gray sweats and an athletic tee. I move us away from the door and into his front yard. “Does your dad know you have a girl in the house?”
His eyes squint against the bright sunlight. “Is that why you’re here?” he asks, his voice cracking from lack of use.
I realize I’m crossing my arms, my stance ready for combat. I try to relax, but agitation crawls beneath my flesh, biting at my insides. “Why’d you bring her to the house?”
“Who?”
I shake my head, my lips pursing. “You know who, Holden. Don’t play dumb.”
“Why do you care?” he asks, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Was your boyfriend not paying you enough attention?”
“Fuck you.”
“No, fuck you, Mia,” he spits, and it’s the first time he’s ever spoken to me like this.
I lean forward, my eyes wide. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?”
He rears back. “So you can dish it out, but you can’t take it?” He scoffs. “Classic Mia.”
“Shut up.”
“No.”
“Yes!”
“No!”
“Yes!”
He shakes his head at me. “We’re not kids anymore, Mia Mac,” he says, and there’s a sadness in his voice that has me dropping my guard. “The choices we make—they’re irreversible, and they don’t just affect us, they—”
The front door opens behind him, and Brianna appears. Holden doesn’t take his eyes off me.
“Is everything okay?” she asks.
“Yeah,” Holden calls out. “Go back to bed. I’ll be there… whenever.”
Brianna looks between us, then closes the door, does as she’s told. “Good, obedient little girl you have there,” I quip.
Holden blows out a breath. And then his head tilts to one side, his eyes taking me in. “I like you better when you dress like this.”
“Haggard?” I ask, one eyebrow quirked.
He laughs once. “Come on.” He takes my elbow, leads me to the backyard and toward the playhouse his dad had built us when we were kids. It used to seem so big, and now? Now, I’ve outgrown it. Like so many things when it comes to Holden and me.
Holden has to hunch down all the way to get through the door, and I duck, following after him. We sit against one of the walls, me with my legs crossed and his outstretched. “How