test is usually pretty definitive.” She felt like screaming at Landon … Didn’t he think this was hard for her too? She exhaled, keeping her focus. “They attach needles to a bunch of muscle nerve endings, and then they flip a switch. Diseased muscles make a series of noises. I guess the doctor can tell what disease a person might be dealing with by the pattern of the sounds.”
Kari’s face grew a shade paler, and her expression looked stricken. “Polymyositis isn’t just in the lungs?”
“It’s a muscle disease.” Landon finally spoke up. His face was grim, his expression almost angry. “I haven’t felt weakness anywhere else, but that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t follow the same pattern every time.”
Kari seemed to sense that Landon really didn’t want to talk about polymyositis or any other lung disorder. If he was going to fight fires again, he needed his lungs more than the average person.
“Okay.” Ashley interrupted the awkward silence that hung between the three of them. “Thanks for watching the kids.”
“Absolutely.” Kari stepped back inside the house. She waved once as Ashley and Landon turned and walked back down the sidewalk to their van. Ashley heard her close the door as the two of them climbed back inside and Landon started the engine again.
Ashley understood Kari asking about Landon. She hadn’t kept her sister up to date with every detail of Landon’s condition. For that matter, she hadn’t kept most of their extended family up to date. Only her dad, really. And then only because he was a doctor — he understood how serious things were with Landon.
The bottom line was, Ashley hadn’t wanted everyone to know the seriousness of Landon’s struggles. Until they had a diagnosis there was no reason to talk about it. Clearly he was sick. He’d almost died in the fire six weeks ago — all of them knew that much. In fact, his lung damage from the recent house fire was the reason the doctor had wanted him to wait until now for the electromyography. Damaged muscles could give a false reading.
They were halfway to the highway when Ashley turned and studied Landon. He hadn’t said a word since they’d gotten back in the car. “Are you okay?”
He gave her the same sort of look he’d given her earlier. Like he had forgotten until that moment that she was even in the car with him. “Me?”
“No, Landon. The kids in the backseat.” She clenched her fists and tried to find the right approach with him. “You’re the only other person in the van. Of course I’m talking to you.”
He clenched his jaw and for a long moment he said nothing. Then he glanced at her, a hint of anger written into the fine lines on his forehead. “You want to know if I’m okay?” The sound that came from him fell short of being a laugh. “I’m headed to the city for a test that will probably confirm the fact that I have some rare lung disease … something they’re finding more commonly in people who worked at Ground Zero.” He looked at the road again, his knuckles white from the way he gripped the wheel. “If I have it, I’m done fighting fires. Everything I’ve worked for … all of it … behind me. Finished.” He paused, and his voice sounded strained, like he was fighting tears. “They can put me on a donor list, and if … if a donor comes along I have a one-in-five chance of living another ten years.”
Ashley knew all of it, every frightening thing he said. But hearing him compile the situation into a handful of sentences made her heart skip a beat, and then stumble into a strange and unrecognizable rhythm. Ten years … was that really a possibility? That she might not have more than a decade left with him? Cole would barely be out of college by then … Devin still in high school. And Janessa … she would hardly be old enough to remember him after he was gone.
Nausea welled inside Ashley and she wondered if she might get sick right here in the car. She needed air, lots of air. Because this couldn’t be happening to them … not after how long and hard they’d worked to get to this point. And worse … it wasn’t just the situation they were facing, but the way Landon was handling it. He had always been strong for her, always been ready to tackle whatever came their way.