memory filled her mind, and she could see Landon in his tux at the front of Clear Creek Church, and her mom was still alive and in the front row, and Ashley was dressed in her wedding gown, and she knew as long as she lived she would never forget the way she felt or the look in Landon’s eyes … or maybe the moment in the hospital when they first laid Devin in her arms … or the time when Landon had stood beside her while their first daughter, Sarah, had died in their arms. The love between them, the support of their family, no matter how sad it had been … she was certain. She would pay to find her way back to that moment.
Or the time when Janessa joined their family, and the faithfulness of God was made real in the feel of Landon’s fingers intertwined with hers. Any of those moments or a million others …
“Mommy? It’s taking you a long time to think of an answer.”
“Well, buddy.” Cole looked up from his baseball cards and smiled at Ashley. “Mom has a lot of good times to think about. It’s not that easy deciding where she’d go back to. Right?”
There was no way to express how much she loved her family, but her love for Cole would always have its own special place. Long before Landon, life had consisted of just the two of them. She wouldn’t have minded a trip back to one of those days either. “That’s right.” She leaned the side of her head against the headrest. “Hmmm … It’s a hard decision.”
“It’s a time machine, Mommy!” Devin tossed his hands in the air and giggled. “You can go back to all of them if you want.”
“True.” She laughed and looked at Landon again. Like before, he was nonresponsive, as if he couldn’t hear a word they were saying. Her smile dropped off and she withdrew her hand, folding her arms in front of her instead. “The truth is, I’d go back to just about any happy time with all of you. Because you’re the people I love the most.”
“Mommy!” Devin laughed at her, as if to say she was the silliest person in the car. “That would be our whole life.” He shrugged big. “'Cause our whole life is a happy time.”
“Yes,” she grinned at Devin. “You’re right, buddy.” But she couldn’t help but think that just maybe those happy times were in the past. Before Landon got sick … before he had to quit doing the job he loved. She kept her feelings to herself. She could forgive Landon if he was distracted today. Her fear wasn’t for the quiet ride to Indianapolis, but the ride home. And every day that might follow.
“I can think of a few baseball games I’d like to go back to.” Cole laughed, like he was starting to enjoy the idea of Devin’s time machine.
Ashley faced the front of the car again and let the boys continue the conversation. They reached Kari’s house, and Landon helped her get the kids and their things to the front door. “They’ll be fine.” Kari crossed her arms and anchored herself against the doorframe. When the kids had bid them goodbye and hurried into the house, Kari looked long at Ashley and then Landon. “We’ll be praying.”
“Thanks.” Ashley looked at Landon, but he only mumbled a quiet thank you and then looked at the ground. Ashley shot her sister a helpless look. “The kids are thrilled … a day with their cousins.” She moved to the spot next to Landon. “What’s on the agenda?”
“A water balloon contest … and maybe a little Dance Dance Revolution. The older kids love that.”
“Perfect.” Ashley wished with all her heart that this was a different sort of summer day, and that she and Landon could stay and take part in the fun. That they weren’t driving to Indianapolis to find out the verdict on what could be a lifelong sentence for Landon. Again Ashley gave her sister a knowing look, as if to say she couldn’t really talk. Not now. “You’ll have to tell us all about your day when we get back.”
“For sure.” Kari stepped out onto the porch, glancing over her shoulder to make sure the kids were far enough in the house that they couldn’t hear her. “Will you know the results today?”
“Yes.” Ashley looked at Landon. He still had said barely anything. “Dad talked to the doctor. I guess the