few sentences that had come up that day — how the idea of being strong and vocal was only possible or effective when it was set against the backdrop of love. “Soaked in love,” Sara had said.
Bailey liked that. It reminded her of her place with the cast of Hairspray. Everything about her job was still new, the people still a little intimidating. But they needed God’s love as much as anyone. Maybe more. If she were going to truly shine on Broadway, she would need to find a way to be strong and vocal. But absolutely soaked in love.
And finally she wrote the thing that stayed with her most, the part Betty brought up. She remembered her night on the Empire State Building, and the quote Brandon had brought up. How the eyes were the window to the soul.
Take more pictures with Brandon, she scribbled on the next line of her journal. See if my eyes have that look. Yes, that’s what she needed. More pictures of Brandon and her — so she could analyze her eyes.
Maybe that was the real reason Bailey had moved the photo of her and Cody from her desk. Because deep down she knew that what Betty had said was true. Real love … true love … the kind that could last a lifetime would require a guy who loved God more than life, a guy who could lead her and laugh with her and listen to her. And with all that, Bailey would know he was the right guy for one very simple reason.
Her eyes would look like they did in the picture of her and Cody.
Ten
ASHLEY’S PHONE CALL WITH JENNY FLANIGAN WAS EXACTLY what she needed that Wednesday morning. Jenny had a way about her that reminded Ashley of the truth — no trial was beyond the reach of God.
For nearly half an hour Jenny let Ashley talk about Landon’s health, his lung trouble, and the looming possibility of a disease too terrible to imagine. Jenny had to have been busy. Midway through June her boys would be clamoring for her attention for sure. Yet she had taken this time … something that touched Ashley deeply.
“Your family’s been through this before.” Jenny’s voice emanated calm. “You’ve always relied on each other, reminded each other that you could do anything with God’s strength.” Jenny hesitated. “Remember … when you can’t take another step, God will carry you.”
The thought filled in the gaping holes in Ashley’s confidence. When she couldn’t take another step … God would carry her.
The phone call ended, and even as Ashley rounded up the kids and called for Landon, she remembered to pray. Because today might just be one of those days when she wasn’t sure she could walk.
“Landon!” She had Janessa in her arms. Cole and Devin were already out in the car. “We’re going to be late.”
“Coming.” He didn’t sound enthusiastic, not that she could blame him. All of their testing, every cough and asthma attack, all the concern from Landon’s doctors would culminate in a single test in an Indianapolis clinic two hours from now. After that they would have their answer — one way or another.
She headed for the garage, buckled Janessa into her car seat, and was fastening her own belt when Landon finally joined them. She watched him, studying him. What was the look on his face? It wasn’t fear … not quite. But it wasn’t the joy and peace she’d always known from him, either. He’d been off work nearly six weeks now, and in some ways he’d been busier than ever. He had trimmed every shrub and bush in what used to be her mother’s garden, and he’d planted a plot of vegetables. Turning over the dirt, cultivating it, mixing in mulch … planting seedlings. The boys had helped some, but he’d done most of it.
“Sorry. I was looking at something.” He didn’t turn to her, didn’t make eye contact.
Ashley watched him, not sure whether she should feel frightened by this new Landon, or sorry for him. Months ago when Devin had assigned everyone roles in his pretend circus, Landon had told her to lighten up. She couldn’t stop living just because he was sick. And she agreed. But now what was he thinking? Did she need to remind him of his own advice, or was it better to wait?
She sat back and stared out the window. From behind her, Devin kept up a stream of chatter about his future circus. Ashley