"He could ask, like you did," I said.
"You know that's not what I meant," he said.
I sighed. "I don't know how to make this easier on you, Richard. If there's anything that would make you feel more secure about this, ask."
To his credit, he didn't ask me not to go. I think he knew he wouldn't like the answer. "Come here," he said and held out his hand to me.
I walked over to him and took his outstretched hand. He sat me on his lap, legs sideways like you'd sit on Santa. He encircled me with one arm, then laid his other hand on my thigh. "Promise me you won't sleep with him tonight."
"With assassins ready to jump out of the woodwork, I think that's a safe bet," I said.
"Don't joke, Anita, please."
I smoothed my hand through his hair. He looked so serious, so hurt. "I've said no for a very long time, Richard. Why should you be worried about tonight?"
"The dress," he said.
"I admit it's short, but..."
He smoothed his hand up my thigh until it vanished under the skirt. He rested his hand just below the lace of the teddy. "You're wearing lingerie, for Gods sake; you never wear lingerie."
I would have explained about everything matching, but somehow I didn't think that would be comforting. "Okay, I won't sleep with him tonight. I hadn't planned on it to begin with."
"Promise me you'll come back and sleep with me." He smiled when he said it.
I smiled back and slid off his lap. "You'd have to shift first. I'd have to see your beast. Or so you keep telling me."
"I could shift when you get back."
"Could you take human form again quickly enough to do us any good tonight?"
He smiled. "I'm strong enough to be Ulfric, Anita. One of the things I can do is change form almost at will. I don't pass out when I change back to human form like most shapeshifters."
"Handy," I said.
He smiled. "Come back tonight, and I'll change for you. Sylvie's right. I have to accept what I am."
"Part of that is trying it out on me, huh?"
He nodded. "I think so."
Staring into his solemn eyes, I knew that if he changed for me tonight and I couldn't deal with it, it would destroy something inside of him. I hoped I was up to it. "When I come back tonight, I'll watch you shift."
He looked grim as if he expected that I'd run screaming. "Kiss me, and get out of here," he said.
I kissed him, and he licked his lips. "Lipstick." He kissed me again. "But underneath I can still taste you."
"Hmmm," I said. I stared down at him and almost didn't want to go. Almost. The doorbell rang, and I jumped. Richard didn't, as if he'd heard it before I had.
"Be careful. I wish I could be with you."
"There'll be media all over the place," I said. "Wouldn't do to get your picture taken with a bunch of monsters. It might blow your cover."
"I'd blow my cover if it would keep you safe."
He loved teaching, yet I believed him. He'd come out of the closet for me. "Thanks, but Edward's right. I'd be so worried about keeping you alive, I wouldn't be taking good care of myself."
"You don't worry about Jean-Claude?"