He laughed, hugged me, and kissed my cheek. “That is the healthiest analogy I’ve ever heard from any girl. You really don’t compare yourself to other people?”
“Not to women who are too different from my body type, no. That wouldn’t make any sense. I did it more when I was younger, but I finally realized that trying to compare myself to women who are built tall and leggy is like trying to compete in the gym with the guys who were six feet plus—it’s outside my weight limit. I’m a bantam and they’re heavyweights, or in the old vaudeville terms for showgirls, Envy is a stallion and I’m a pony. Neither one is better than the other, they’re just different.”
“Difference can be good.”
I nodded, smiling. “It can, and I’m not comparing myself to J.J. either, because she’s a ballerina and her body is from some of the most strenuous exercise on the planet. She’s a professional athlete; I work out to run away from the bad guys.”
“Or chase them down,” he said.
“Or that,” I said.
“I compare myself to the other dancers, and some of the other men.”
I turned so I could look directly at him, rather than at his reflection. “Are you saying you have body issues?”
He shrugged. “A little.”
“You are one of the most beautiful men I know, and one of the best lovers ever; how can you have body issues?”
“I strip on stage, Anita. I get customers talking about my body in person and online; it’s hard not to be self-conscious.”
“So, me pointing out you’re beautiful doesn’t really help you work the issue,” I said.
“No, because the issue isn’t about logic, or even reality; it’s an issue that’s about illogic, and emotions, and the negative voices in everyone’s head.”
“Everyone has their issues, I guess.”
He nodded, and then smiled. “But tonight, we get to have sex in the same room as Jason and J.J., and that totally rocks.”
I turned and patted his shoulder. “You are my little voyeur.”
“No, I’m your great big voyeur; it is one of my major kinks.”
“You’re a pretty big exhibitionist, too,” I said.
“Yep, and tonight we get to do both. Let me change, and let’s go do this.”
“You have no qualms about this, do you?”
“If anyone can help J.J. feel comfortable with all this, it’s us.”
I nodded, because it was reasonable, even logical, but . . . “I’m not a voyeur, or an exhibitionist.”
“Not really, but you are two things that will make this work.”
“What two things?”
“Jason’s friend and lover.”
“You got me there,” I said.
He started taking off his clothes, and I turned around so I wouldn’t be distracted as he stripped. Him undressing always seemed to make me want to touch him, and tonight we needed to save the distracting touching for group activity. Just thinking that in my head was a little weird. My life; sometimes it amazed me, sometimes it just made me go Huh?
4
BUT INSTEAD OF hot monkey sex, we ended up talking. J.J. didn’t know me well enough not to ask one question too many. She asked, “What bothers you most about dating Jade?”
It was a list, and the itemized list changed order from day to day. I lay propped up on my side in my see-through black teddy and fuck-me heels talking very seriously. J.J. lay on her back in her blue silk nightie, face intent on mine, listening, nodding, adding a comment here and there.