I blushed and hoped he couldn't see it in the dark. "It's an expression, Richard. You know I didn't mean it."
"I know," he said, "but it's still a good idea."
I stepped back. "Go away, Richard."
"You don't know the way to the lupanar," he said.
"I'll find it on my own; thanks, anyway."
He started to reach out to touch my face, and I almost stumbled backing up. He flashed me a quick smile and was gone, running through the trees. I could feel the roil of power like wind in a sail. He rode the energy of the woods, the night, the moon overhead, and if I wanted to, I could go along for the ride. I stood there, hugging my arms, concentrating everything I had on blocking him out, cutting the power between us.
When I felt alone and locked within my own skin again, I opened my eyes. Jason was standing so close it made me jump. It also made me realize how careless I'd been.
"Damn, Jason, you scared me."
"Sorry. I thought someone should stay behind and make sure no vampires made off with you."
"Thanks, I mean that."
"You all right?" he asked.
I shook my head. "I'm fine."
He grinned, and there was almost enough moonlight to see the laughter in his eyes. "He's getting better at it," Jason said.
"Getting better at what?" I asked. "Being Ulfric?"
"Seducing you," Jason said.
I stared at him.
"You know how I was jealous of the way you looked at Asher?"
I nodded.
"The way you look at Richard ... " He just shook his head. "It's something."
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It doesn't matter."
"It matters," he said. "It doesn't make you happy, but it matters."
And to that, there wasn't a damn thing I could say. We started walking through the woods in the general direction everyone else had been going. We didn't need no stinking directions.
18
We found the lupanar, and we didn't need directions. We had Jason's nose and my ability to sense the dead. I'd assumed that all lupanars were the same, but yards away from this one, I knew I was wrong. Whatever lay up ahead had death mixed in with it: old death. It felt almost like a restless grave. Sometimes you'd be out in the woods and find one. An old grave where someone was buried without rites, just a shallow hole in the ground. The dead don't much care for shallow holes. It needs to be deep and wide or they get restless. Cremation takes care of all of it, actually. I'd never met a ghost of someone who had been cremated.
We could see the soft shine of lanterns through the trees when Jason stopped, touching my arm for attention. "I don't like what I'm smelling," he said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"A body aboveground for a long time."
"A zombie?" I made it a question.
He shook his head. "No, drier, older than that."
We both looked at each other. I was pretty sure we were both thinking the same thing. Rotting vampire. I realized that I was clutching his arm, and he was clutching mine. We stood in the dark like children wondering if that noise was really a monster or if it was the wind. Neither of us took that next step to find out. If we'd had covers, we'd have been under them.