I let his hand fall to my lap, still holding it. "You'd go along with that?"
"Maybe." He leaned in and kissed my forehead, ever so gently. "Notice I didn't ask you to give him up and just date me."
I touched his face. "I know, and I'm both relieved and surprised. Thank you for not asking."
He pulled back enough to see my face clearly. He looked very serious. "You don't like ultimatums, Anita. If I push you, I'll lose."
"Why do you want to win, Richard? Why don't you just dump me?"
He smiled. "Now she gives me the choice."
"I've given you the choice before," I said. "I mean, I know why Jean-Claude puts up with me. I help his power base. You'd be better off if you picked out a nice, safe werewolf for your lupa. I hurt your power base."
"I'm in love with you," he said simply.
"Why do I feel like apologizing for that?" I asked.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking about why I couldn't hate you. Why I couldn't let you go."
"And?" I had pulled the sheets around me like a nest so I wouldn't be naked. If somewhere in this conversation he did dump me, I didn't want to be naked. Silly but true.
Naked didn't seem to bother Richard. Frankly, it was distracting to me. "I need a human girlfriend. I need someone who isn't a monster."
"A lot of humans would be happy to be your snuggle bunny, Richard."
"I found that out," he said, "but I didn't have sex with any of them."
"Why not?"
"Farther away from the full moon I have better control. The eyes don't go, let alone the hands. I can pass for human, but I'm not human. You know what I am, and even you almost couldn't accept it."
There was nothing I could say to that, so I didn't try.
He looked down at the bed, fingers playing along the edge of the sheet. His voice grew very soft. "My first year in the pack, one of the other new wolves had a human girlfriend. He crushed her pelvis while they were making love."
My eyes widened. "A little too rough," I said.
Richard shook his head. He let his hair fall this time, hiding most of his face. "You don't understand, Anita. Strength is strength. We can pick up small cars and throw them. If you don't realize your own strength, you can't control it." He looked at me suddenly, staring out at me through his hair. It was a gesture that Gabriel had been fond of, as if the hair were comforting or reminded them of fur. "You're the first nonlycanthrope I've ever had sex with since I became one."
"I'm flattered, I guess."
"I was still scared I'd hurt you like my friend had hurt his girlfriend or in a thousand other ways. During sex you lose control. That's part of the fun. I can never lose control, not completely, unless I'm with another lycanthrope."
I looked at him. "What are you trying to say, Richard?"
"I'm saying you date both of us. Have sex with both of us. I will hate it, but ... "
I stared at him. I didn't like that he didn't want to finish the sentence. Made me nervous. "What, Richard?"
He brushed his hair back with both hands until his face was clean and tight. "You date both of us, and I'll keep dating other lycanthropes."
I just kept staring at him.
"Say something," he said.
I opened my mouth, closed it, tried again. "You mean you'll keep ha**ng s*x with Lucy."
"Not Lucy, she's ... You've met her. She could never be lupa of our pack."