I smiled at him. Ive noticed.
He flashed me the real version of the smile that parted women from their money at the club. If they thought the fake version was something, they should have had the full weight of the real deal. It was enough to turn a girls head. Or make them blush, damn it.
Youre blushing, he damn near chortled. He bounced in the seat. I love that you do that.
I covered my face with my hands. I dont.
His hands on my wrists were the first clue I had thaTHE was so close beside me again. I let him draw my hands away so he could look into my eyes.
I love that Im one of the men you react to, Anita. I was like invisible to you. I mean, Im not in Jean-Claudes league, but there are women who would do a lot to be with me, and have, he said, with a look to the side that tried for humble and almost made it.
Ive seen the fans at the club, and the women going in and out of the Circus.
He took my hands in both of his and rested his chin on our joined hands. He wasnt exactly looking at me. More at the memory in his head.
But you never saw me like that. I was a responsibility first. Someone else you felt you needed to keep safe, and then I was your friend. He looked at me with that mischievous grin. Youd seen me buck naked and you didnt react to my body. That was a real ego bruiser, let me tell you.
I blushed again and looked away from his face. You were my friend, Jason, you dont look at friends that way.
You dont, but I did. I thought I wasnt up to your standards.
The homes are really nice here, I said. They were. The more narrow road was surrounded by lovely, older, expensive homes.
Youre changing the subject, Jason said.
Trying to, yes.
I dont want to change the subject.
I pulled at my hands. This conversation was too intimate for me. Id forgotten one thing Jason did that made me the most uncomfortable. He had a penchant for in-depth soul-searching talks. When I needed one, it was great, if sometimes painful. But I could not spend the next two days being analyzed; it would drive me mad. I kept staring out at the beautiful houses nestled into their green yards and trees. It was still pretty, but no amount of pretty was going to make up for being analyzed for days.
He kissed my hands gently, then let me pull away. You know that wasnt it, Jason.
I know you were trying to hold on to what virtue you felt you had left.
I nodded, still not looking at him. Can I ask you a favor, Jason?
Sure.
Im not up to you analyzing me on this trip, okay?
I wasnt
I held up a hand. Just dont poke at my wounds too hard. Im supposed to be here to support you; if you make me face my demons too head-on, I wont be as good for you here. Do you understand? I looked at him at the last.
He was solemn again, buTHE nodded. I have trouble when I realize something about someone, some secret thing I didnt know before. I want to know why, or what the other person was thinking, feeling. His face went from solemn to pained. Ive always been that way.
Something about the way he said it made me wonder what truth hed pushed for as a child thaTHE hadnt wanted to know. If our roles had been reversed he would have asked me, but it was me, and I was already out of my depth.
Alone with Jason for a few days, Id thought the sex and his problems with his family would be the awkward bits. What I was realizing now, far too late, was that Jason himself was the danger. It was too intimate, this visit. I had trouble keeping my emotional boundaries up once sex was involved. What the hell had I been thinking?
Chapter Eleven
THE NARROW, TWISTING road was edged by evergreens, and other trees, but mostly evergreens. There were still a few nice older houses, and some newer expensive houses dotted along the road, but mostly trees. We were climbing, though. Climbing out of the valley that most of Asheville sat in. The rich always seem to live up.
The first hint we had that the hotel was ahead was the cluster of news vans blocking the road.
The curving drive that led between the trees and the vans was being kept clear by men in uniform. Not police uniforms, but really nice valet uniforms. They kept the photographers, reporters, and cameramen at bay long enough for the limo to slip by.