I drew back from the hug, and said, "I'm determined, Rhys, not suicidal."
"You're hoping she loved her brother enough to feel guilty," Amatheon said, and the fact that he'd grasped that made me think better of him.
"Something like that," I said.
"She cares for no one except Prince Cel," he said.
I thought about that. "You might be right, or you might be wrong."
"Will you wager your life on that?" he asked.
"Not wager, no, but I'll risk it."
"Are you so certain that you are right?"
"About the queen, no, but I am right about what we need to do to find our murderer. I am right about that, and I'm willing to tell the queen so."
He shuddered. "I would rather stay here and guard the hallway, if you do not mind."
"I don't want anyone with me who's more afraid of the queen than of doing what's right."
"Oh, hell, Merry, then none of us can come," Rhys said.
I looked at him.
He shrugged. "All of us fear her."
"But I will go with you," Frost said.
"And me," Galen said.
"Do you need to ask?" Doyle said.
It was Adair who finally spoke for most of them. "I think this is foolishness, though honorable foolishness, but it does not matter. You are our ameraudur, and that is a title that I have not let pass my lips for many years."
Ameraudur meant a war leader who was chosen for love, not bloodline. Ameraudur meant that the man who called you this would give his own life before he saw yours fail. It was the word that the Welsh had used for Arthur, yes, that Arthur. It was the term that some of my father's men had used for him.
I didn't know what to say because I hadn't done enough to deserve the title. Not yet. "I haven't earned such a title from you, Adair, or from anyone. Do not call me so."
"You offered yourself in our place last night, Princess. You took the might of the queen herself upon your mortal body. Seeing you draw magic against her was one of the bravest things ever I saw, my oath on that."
I didn't know whether to be embarrassed, or try to explain that it wasn't brave. That I'd been afraid the whole time.
"You are our ameraudur, and we will follow you wherever you may lead. To whatever end. I will die before I let another harm you."
"You can't mean that," Amatheon said.
I agreed with Amatheon. "Do not give your oath to keep me from harm, Adair, please. If you must, give your oath to save my life, but not all harm."
But it was as if I wasn't there for him, or for Amatheon in that moment. I was the object of the conversation but that was all.
"She saved us last night," Adair said. "She saved us all. She risked her life to save ours. How can you stand there and not give her your oath?"
"A man without honor has no oath to give," Amatheon said.
Adair put his mailed hand on the other's shoulder. "Then come with us to the queen, regain your honor, rediscover your oath."
"She took my courage with the rest. I am too afraid to go before her with such news." A single tear glittered down his cheek.