was impossible. “Why? She offered you a ready-made chance to hang out with her!”
“Yeah, but I don’t know her well enough yet! It felt too—you know—soon. I want to know her better before I commit to something like that.”
“Girls,” Ricky huffed, shaking his head. “Can’t take an opportunity when it’s right in front of you—always need that emotional connection first—”
“What, you think I won’t get another opportunity?” I asked testily. “I’m not trying to rush into something here. I like this girl, and I like all your friends, but I want to feel my way into it at my own pace. I can’t act like someone I’m not.”
Ricky snorted. “You’re not capable of acting like someone you’re not.”
“Is that an insult?”
Ricky lowered his sunglasses. “Why are you being so defensive? I’m saying you’re a very genuine person.”
I looked away from him and watched the kids splashing in the water. Maritza, JaKory, and I were usually in there with them, Maritza picking fights with the brashest eleven-year-olds and JaKory begging everyone to play Categories. I had never come to the pool with anyone but them before. The thought of it made my throat ache.
“I don’t know, Ricky,” I sighed. “I don’t feel very genuine lately, not with the way I’m keeping things from Maritza and JaKory. I lied to Maritza about why I can’t hang out with her tomorrow night.” I paused. “And I lied to my brother yesterday, too.”
Ricky was quiet, his hand splayed over the pages of his UGA course catalog. “Listen. You have to understand why you’re doing it. Sometimes we lie because we have to take care of ourselves first.”
I knew he wasn’t only talking about me anymore. His hand had stilled on the page.
“Are you ever gonna tell your friends about … you?” I asked gently. “’Cause now that I’ve met them, I don’t think they’re the type of people who would have a problem with it.”
He was silent again, thinking. “Maybe you’re right,” he said carefully. “But there’s no point telling them about something that only happened a few times.”
“So you don’t think it’ll happen again?”
“No.”
He said it in a way that shut down the conversation. I exhaled and stared out at the water, thinking of my two best friends. JaKory was in Tallahassee by now, trying to keep up with his dad and half brother; Maritza was still at dance camp, probably straining to outshine Vivien Chen. I hadn’t seen either one of them since Sunday, which was the longest we’d ever gone during a standard summer week, and I felt weird about it: On the one hand, I was discombobulated because it was so different from our normal routine, but on the other, I found myself missing them much less than I’d thought I would.
“Hey,” Ricky said, interrupting my thoughts. “We’re gonna have fun tomorrow night, all right? My sister got me a fifth of vodka for helping her move out of her dorm, and I know you’re dying to try vodka.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to figure out his game, but all he did was waggle his eyebrows and lean back into the sun.
9
The world felt very important on Friday night.
I told Ricky I would drive, mostly because I didn’t want to feel like his accessory this time. I picked him up after dinner, and he came hustling out of the garage with his mom on his heels, fussing at him to fix his shirt collar. She stood in the driveway and watched him squeeze into my car.
Talking to parents made me more nervous than anything, but I didn’t want to be rude or awkward. I rolled down my window and smiled as I said hello.
Mrs. Flint had Ricky’s warm eyes, but they turned serious after she finished greeting me.
“Y’all be good,” she said, looking meaningfully at us.
“We will be,” Ricky said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
It was smushed with the two of us in my little sedan, but Ricky seemed perfectly at ease, even with his long legs bumping up against the dashboard. He tapped his fingers on his knees and hummed along to the Ben Howard playlist I had going through the aux cable, and his contentedness made me feel more at ease, too.
Samuel’s party looked and sounded a lot like Ricky’s had, but I was more confident walking in this time. Cliff, Natalie, Samuel, and Terrica rushed to hug me, and before I knew it, they were pressing a drink into my hand. “Vodka LaCroix,” Terrica informed