easily. “The rest of us have ears that actually work.”
Lydia caught my eye as we each took a sip of our sweet tea. I had a feeling then, the same kind of feeling I’d had when she recognized me at Ricky’s party: a warm, hopeful anchoring, like maybe I did belong.
The game went on, and now, for the first time, I felt I was truly a part of it. I laughed easily, held eye contact when they addressed me, and even accepted the buffalo wing Cliff offered me. I was in the flow of the experience, taking it all in, dazzled to find myself holding my own. If I could have painted that moment to keep it forever, I would have made every texture and color pop with life. Scrunched eyebrows, draped arms, crumpled napkins shot across the table. Yellow lemons, green peppers, brown hands, soft pink lips. Every one of them a small, infinite miracle I never thought I’d know.
* * *
By ten thirty, the Taco Mac parking lot was nearly deserted. We clustered around the few remaining cars while everyone debated what to do next. In the end, Leo’s insistence to “hit the roof” won out.
“What’s the roof?” I asked once Ricky and I were back in his car.
“Leo’s mom works for this graphic design firm that’s, like, all hipster and ‘open office’ or whatever. They have access to the roof of the building, so sometimes we go there and hang out.”
“And we’re allowed to?”
Ricky glanced at me, hedging his answer. “We’re not not allowed to.”
We followed Leo’s car, with Samuel and Terrica behind us and Cliff, Natalie, and Lydia behind them. It was only a ten-minute drive, but that was long enough for me to lose some of the confidence I’d built up at Taco Mac. I was nervous about sneaking onto an office roof late on a Saturday night.
We parked our cars side by side in the back corner of the parking lot. Leo swung a backpack over his shoulder, casual and breezy while he took a hit from his vape, and we followed him into the building like it was nothing. I could tell from everyone’s chatter that they’d done this a million times before.
“Everyone in?” Leo asked as we crammed into the elevator.
Cliff was holding tight to Natalie; Samuel was doing the same to Terrica. I hung in the corner with Ricky, trying to keep myself relaxed. Lydia slipped into the spot in front of me, and when she turned to face the doors, I caught a whiff of her shampoo.
“Selfie!” Terrica sang, holding her phone aloft.
We squeezed ourselves into the camera frame as the elevator pulled us upward. Natalie pinched Cliff’s ass just as Terrica took the photo, and he squirmed and squealed in a goofy, high-pitched voice. The doors opened onto the fourth floor, and before I knew it, we were on the roof.
“Wow,” I said, taking it all in.
The others streamed past, giddy with energy, but Leo came up to me and swept his arm over the view.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“It’s beautiful,” I said, forgetting my nervousness.
Across the treetops and stretches of interstate, the city skyline was glittering. It was miles away, far enough to seem mythical and imposing.
“That’s Buckhead,” Leo said, pointing off to the left, “and Midtown’s over there, and downtown’s, you know, down there.”
I turned to him. “Thanks for bringing me.”
“’Course,” he said, laughing. “It’s obvious you can hang.”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that, but Samuel saved me. “Hey, Le,” he called, gesturing Leo over, “let’s get this going.”
We hung in a pack around the railing, talking and laughing while Leo pulled beers from his backpack. He handed them out in a routine way, and I accepted one like it was no big deal, but I looked to Ricky for affirmation. He winked at me and popped the tab of his open, and I followed his lead. The beer tasted just like the one I’d shotgunned on his deck.
Leo produced a joint next. He lit it up and passed it around, but I turned it down, blushing. For a split second I worried that someone might call me on it, but nobody even noticed. They all seemed to be doing their own thing, letting the night carry them wherever they wanted to go.
“Ricky, Codi, wanna join us?” Lydia called. She was lying flat on her back on the concrete, with Natalie stretched out next to her. The others were still by the railing, taking turns