Last Mile (Vicious Cycle #3) - Katie Ashley Page 0,72

Normally, I didn’t find them too attractive on men, but there was something about the way they looked on Bishop that made all the difference.

My aching muscles moaned in agony as I pulled myself to a sitting position. Sleeping on the ground, coupled with an intense fuck-fest, had left me feeling physically as if I had been run over by an eighteen-wheeler. Emotionally, I felt almost as beaten up. While I didn’t regret sleeping with Bishop, I felt overwhelmed with emotional turmoil. The more time I spent with Bishop and the Raiders, the less I could paint them as the villains I once thought them to be. There had to be something I was missing—something that made them worthy of being a target of the bureau.

Lying back down, I brought my hand to Bishop’s face. I ran my thumb over his full bottom lip. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

At my touch, Bishop began to stir. His eyelids fluttered, and then he stared up at me. His bright blue eyes widened in disbelief as they moved from me to the clearing and then back to me. “Oh fuck,” he muttered, and then rolled away from me.

“Wow, that’s not the reaction I expected,” I mused aloud as I tried not to sound as hurt by his rebuff as I was.

Bishop groaned as he sat up. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked.

“Everything,” Bishop muttered.

I rose to sit beside him. “Would you please tell me what is going on in that head of yours besides morning-after remorse?”

Cutting his eyes over at me, Bishop exhaled painfully. “I’m a fucking bastard.”

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “What are you talking about?”

“Jesus, Sam, last night it all felt so right, but now in the light of day . . .” He ran a hand over his face. “I thought I was going to be able to handle it—to not let it bother me. But it does. Fucking hell, it does.”

I reached out to tentatively touch his cheek. “Bishop, you’re not making any sense.”

His eyes closed in agony as he said, “Marley.”

While I had expected Bishop to bring Gavin up, it was still hard to hear his name come off Bishop’s lips. It took me back to another grassy clearing—the one where I had held Gavin as he died. Thinking about Gavin caused my heart to ache. I couldn’t help the sharp intake of breath or the pain that hit between my ribs. I looked out at the lake before trying to find my voice.

Before I could, Bishop continued. “Even though Marley wasn’t a patched brother, I broke a cardinal rule last night. You don’t fuck a brother’s girlfriend or old lady.” He opened his eyes and stared at me. “That’s why I’m a fucking bastard.”

“No, you’re not. You’re too good a man to ever be a fucking bastard.”

“Before Marley died, I wanted you. It wasn’t just about wanting to fuck you—it was about wanting us to have what you had with Marley. After he died, I still wanted you, and I’m a heartless bastard for making a move on you.”

“Bishop, it’s okay. There was nothing wrong with what we did last night.”

“Oh hell yes, there was. And as long as I still possess a small fucking bit of decency, it ain’t ever happening again.”

My heart shuddered in my chest. There were so many implications that went along with his declaration. “You don’t mean that.”

“I sure as hell do. I’m pissing on Marley’s memory every time I think about fucking you or when I put my hands on you or my dick in you.” He swallowed hard, and it looked as though he was trying to fight back the tears that threatened in his eyes. “I know you’re sick with grief about losing him, and I took advantage of you. But I promise you don’t have to worry about it happening ever again.”

Sick with grief. Yes. Absolutely. But I had to stop this train of thought. “You’re wrong. I knew exactly what I was consenting to last night,” I argued.

“That’s what you think right now. But what about later on when it sinks in what we did? You’ll hate me for letting things go on.”

“There’s nothing to sink in. I wanted to have sex with you last night. I want to have sex with you again. But more than the sex, I like you, Bishop.”

Bishop’s forlorn expression lightened a little. “You do?”

“Yeah. I do.”

He appeared momentarily happy at my admission, but then his face clouded