The Last Eligible Bachelor - Ashtyn Newbold Page 0,86
taking Mr. Hill with it.
“I never should have left Hampden Park to come here.” Sophia let out a sigh, adjusting the curls beneath her bonnet. “I see why Anne finds Mr. Hill attractive, but without his property he is not the prized bachelor Mrs. Ollerton supposed him to be. It shocks me that he would create such a ruse and only tell the party at the end of his stay.” She shook her head. “I daresay my arrival at Winslow House was the most diverting thing the guests experienced their entire trip.” Her blue eyes met mine. “I will not have you punished, of course, and Mrs. Ollerton intends to keep the situation confidential as well, since she would hate to have any scandalous impersonation tied to her.” She eyed me with suspicion. “However, I do wonder what you did to encourage Mr. Hill’s affections.”
“I did nothing. I acted as you advised me to.”
She laughed under her breath. “I suspect he was quite embarrassed by his regard for you once I told him you were my maid.”
I looked out the window. I felt as if the heaviness in my heart would never go away. It crushed down on me, as if I might sink to the bottom of the carriage.
If only I could ask her what his expression had shown when he learned the truth. Was he embarrassed? Betrayed? Hurt? To think that I had caused him to feel any of those things brought the heavy stone of ache to sink lower in my stomach.
The rest of the journey passed slowly, and by the time we reached Sedgwick Manor the next day, I could hardly wait to return to what was normal and safe.
Mr. and Mrs. Sedgwick stood outside, awaiting the carriage, and the moment it stopped and Sophia stepped out, her mother burst into tears, throwing her arms around her. After Sophia told her that Mr. Hill did not propose, Mrs. Sedgwick appeared to be offering her daughter words of consolation that she certainly didn’t need, asking for every detail of her trip and declaring every shortcoming Mr. Hill surely must have had to have not chosen Sophia.
I walked closer, spotting Mama behind the Sedgwicks. Although she didn’t know the ordeal I had been through, her eyes were filled with the same softness and kindness as Jessie’s, and my emotions overflowed again. What had felt like a failure didn’t feel quite so much like one anymore. I was still allowed to work at Sedgwick Manor with Mama, and that was something to be grateful for.
“My dear Tillie.” She smiled as I approached, pulling me into her arms. Two tears soaked into her sleeve, and I wiped my cheeks before stepping back. Why was it so much harder to be strong when surrounded by so much love? Perhaps that’s exactly what love was: weakness. But if loving Mr. Hill had made me weak, then I was content with that. One day I could be strong again, but for now, I was allowed to hurt.
Mama seemed to notice the heaviness in my expression, but she didn’t say a word, pulling me back into her arms and squeezing me tighter.
Chapter 25
ONE MONTH LATER
As content as I was to be home, I feared I would always have another hole in my heart, one right beside the one Papa had left behind. I had hoped Mr. Hill would be easy to forget, but I had never been more wrong.
Despite the painful things that still lingered in my heart, I had never felt more free.
My circumstances had not changed, but my heart had. My confidence had. Being a maid was not my identity, but my opportunity to help Sophia every day, and to learn new things. My knowledge on hair arrangements and current fashions had never been so extensive before, and I was taking pride in my work for the first time. Jessie hadn’t been pleased to go back to her duties, but we still enjoyed our happy conversations each day, and I even began arising a few minutes earlier, singing in the mornings alongside the birds. Each time I heard the blackbird’s song, I remembered Mr. Hill, and our kiss, and the many times we had laughed. The memories grew lighter each day, and I tried not to allow them to be weighed down by reality.
Jessie had been wrong.
He didn’t want me anymore.
If he wanted me, he would have come, just as she had said. But I couldn’t blame him for staying away.