The Last Eligible Bachelor - Ashtyn Newbold Page 0,84
him again.
In a matter of minutes, I had been harshly reminded of who I really was. My freedom was gone, and so was the new strength and identity I had found. Sophia had taken away that which she had given me, and now she planned to take away Mr. Hill too.
I stopped myself. He was never in my future. I couldn’t be robbed of him if he was never meant to be mine at all. It was simply a foolish hope, a dream, a wish, that could never be. The entire time I had been at Winslow House was a dream, and now I was finally awakening. My place was not on the arm of the handsome gentleman who I loved. It was below stairs. Invisible, quiet, alone, and forgotten.
Chapter 24
I hadn’t expected Jessie to become such a dear friend, and I certainly hadn’t expected her to become my eyes and ears. During the week I was trapped below stairs, she seized the opportunity to act as Sophia’s lady’s maid. Each night, Jessie would relay to me all the gossip she had heard, and everything she had observed among the guests.
“Sophia claims that Mr. Hill’s taken an interest in her, but I’ve seen nothin’ to support that idea,” Jessie had said one night, her lips pursed. “His heart’s loyal to you, Tillie. Feelings don’t simply disappear.”
I wished they would. My heart had felt sickened all week as I wondered what he must have thought of me. How foolish he must have felt for caring for me like he did.
On the last night before our departure, Jessie had been particularly attentive, watching for any sign that Mr. Hill had decided to marry one of the ladies after all. I had hardly been able to sit still all day in terrified anticipation, and when Jessie burst through the door, her expression was difficult to read.
“Mistress Sophia’s not pleased,” Jessie said, her eyes wide. After a brief moment, her expression melted into a smile. “Not pleased in the slightest.”
“What happened?” My heart pounded hard against my ribs.
“Mr. Hill made an announcement at dinner, she told me.” Jessie’s eyes lit up. “He told the entire party how privileged he felt to meet them all, but that the woman he wished to marry wasn’t among them. He then explained that he was no longer to inherit his family’s home.” Jessie sat down beside me on the bed. “Can you believe it? All this time he’s known, but didn’t care to publicize it until now. And when he said the woman he wished to marry wasn’t among them…surely he spoke of you.”
I swallowed against my dry throat, bunching fabric from my dress into my fists. “That cannot be what he meant.” I cast her a berating look, softening it with a faint smile. “Please do not hint at that again. I cannot afford to hope.” My heart stung as I looked down at my hands. Hope was what caused me so much pain now. As much as I had tried to keep it at bay, hope had escaped its confines for long enough to dream of a future with Mr. Hill. And that was where I had gone wrong. I couldn’t control the feelings in my heart, but I should have controlled my dreams.
“If he loves you as much as I think he does, he won’t simply forget you.” Jessie’s gaze was firm. “The first thing he’ll do when he leaves Winslow House is go find you, I’m sure of it.”
“No, he will not.” I gave her the best smile I could muster. “And I am content with that fact. Even if he did wish to marry me still, I couldn’t lower him to such a state. Society would frown upon him forever. Surely he is already enduring enough scrutiny for the change in his inheritance.”
“You’re not content, Tillie.” Jessie shook her head, clasping my hand in hers. “You don’t have to pretend you are in front of me.”
At her words, tears pricked the back of my eyes, and a lump formed in my throat. I had been holding back the emotion that throbbed in my heart, painful and unjust, for the last week. I never would have thought something as soft as Jessie’s words would break the dam. I breathed deeply, failing to keep my tears from falling down my cheeks. I tipped my head back, as if that would aid the situation. “And I’m glad,” I said, sniffing. “I have done enough pretending already.”