take the hard stuff, and we use it to our advantage. I know that your dad isn’t great, but you could have used that.”
“That’s the problem,” he said. “That’s exactly what I would’ve done if I had stayed.”
He leaned in, kissing her, hard and rough, cutting off the thread of the conversation. She had a feeling he did that on purpose.
But the kiss was hot, and sure, and it filled her with the kind of deep, sweet warmth that touched her in hidden, freezing places inside of her that had been cold for so long she had forgotten they could be anything else.
So she let him change the subject. Because she liked this one so much.
When they parted, they were breathing hard. He pressed his forehead against hers, looking at her, his dark eyes intent on hers.
She lifted her hand, tracing the deep grooves by his mouth. This man, her monster, was quickly becoming her very favorite thing and she wasn’t sure what to do with that. It terrified her. Though, at least now she had an idea why.
It was the losing him, that was the thing that would hurt.
But she’d spent the greater part of the past seventeen years dwelling on pain in order to prevent herself from experiencing any more. She was going to let that rest. At least just for a little while. Something was happening. Something was changing.
He was changing her.
She wanted that too much to stop now. No matter how bad the impact of losing him might feel.
She supposed that should be terrifying. To the Rebecca she had been a few hours ago, it would have been. Depending on someone, admitting that she needed him in any capacity, would have been devastating.
She wasn’t afraid of it now, and she couldn’t quite pinpoint why.
“Are you going to stay tonight?” She tried to phrase the question casually, even though there was nothing casual about the way she felt. Her heart was rambling around her chest like a frightened mouse.
“Your bed is a little bit short for me.”
“Actually, I think you’re a little bit tall for my bed. Mattresses are a pretty standard size, Gage. You’re the one that exceeds normal parameters.”
“Was that a compliment?”
“Probably,” she said, a smile tugging at her lips in spite of the fact that part of her was pretty sure he was just trying to make excuses to put some distance between them.
She didn’t really think he was more distant now than he had been before. She was the one who was drawing a little bit closer. She was the one who had a little bit less armor than she had in the beginning. That was why she felt it now.
She was the one who had changed. It wasn’t him. So, she could hardly take it personally now. That was what she told herself.
“I should probably go home,” he said.
She waited for him to issue an invitation for her to come with him, but he didn’t. She let the silence hang, for just a little bit longer than was natural. She was kind of pathetic.
“Okay,” she said, trying not to reveal any disappointment.
He got dressed, and once he was completely covered up she felt silly sitting there naked. Like suddenly she fully realized that she’d been naked when before it had just felt right. A full, Garden of Eden situation happening right in her living room.
“Okay... I guess... I’ll see you tomorrow when I come by to check on the horses.”
He reached down, plucking her up off the couch and pulling her against him, kissing her. A wave of relief rolled through her. “See you tomorrow.”
It wasn’t exactly what she had wanted, but it was better than she’d thought she was going to get.
“Okay,” she said, “tomorrow.”
After he left, she settled onto the couch, and she felt a little bit happy that he had left. It was probably a good thing that she had a few moments to spend alone with her thoughts. It had been a hell of a weird-ass day.
She took a deep breath and got up, pouring herself a glass of wine, then pacing the length of the room.
She just walked for a moment, going over everything that had happened. She had forgiven him. She really had. It had released something inside of her. Had allowed her to let go of something she had been holding firmly in place for more years than she should have.
It made her think about her mother, about that wound inside of her that had