Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore Page 0,8

once you accept that your wife slept with God, extraordinary events seem sort of commonplace.

"Take her back where you found her, Joshua, the prophecy has been fulfilled now."

"But I want to keep her."

"No, Joshua."

"You're not the boss of me."

I suspected that Joseph had heard that before. "Just so," he said, "please take Sarah back where you found her."

Joshua stormed out of the house, his snake following close behind. Joseph and I gave them a wide berth. "Try not to let anyone see you," Joseph said. "They won't understand."

He was right, of course. On our way out of the village we ran into a gang of older boys, led by Jakan, the son of Iban the Pharisee. They did not understand.

There were perhaps a dozen Pharisees in Nazareth: learned men, working-class teachers, who spent much of their time at the synagogue debating the Law. They were often hired as judges and scribes, and this gave them great influence over the people of the village. So much influence, in fact, that the Romans often used them as mouthpieces to our people. With influence comes power, with power, abuse. Jakan was only the son of a Pharisee. He was only two years older than Joshua and me, but he was well on his way to mastering cruelty. If there is a single joy in having everyone you have ever known two thousand years dead, it is that Jakan is one of them. May his fat crackle in the fires of hell for eternity!

Joshua taught us that we should not hate - a lesson that I was never able to master, along with geometry. Blame Jakan for the former, Euclid for the latter.

Joshua ran behind the houses and shops of the village, the snake behind him by ten steps, and me behind her ten steps more. As he rounded the corner by the smith's shop, Joshua ran into Jakan, knocking him to the ground.

"You idiot!" Jakan shouted, rising and dusting himself off. His three friends laughed and he spun on them like an angry tiger. "This one needs to have his face washed in dung. Hold him."

The boys turned their focus on Joshua, two grabbing his arms while the third punched him in the stomach. Jakan turned to look for a pile to rub Joshua's face in. Sarah slithered around the corner and reared up behind Joshua, spreading her glorious hood wide above our heads.

"Hey," I called as I rounded the corner. "You guys think this is an asp?" My fear of the snake had changed into a sort of wary affection. She seemed to be smiling. I know I was. Sarah swayed from side to side like a wheat stalk in the wind. The boys dropped Joshua's arms and ran to Jakan, who had turned and slowly backed away.

"Joshua was talking about asps," I continued, "but I'd have to say that this here is a cobra."

Joshua was bent over, still trying to catch his breath, but he looked back at me and grinned.

"Of course, I'm not the son of a Pharisee, but - "

"He's in league with the serpent!" Jakan screamed. "He consorts with demons!"

"Demons!" the other boys shouted, trying to crowd behind their fat friend.

"I will tell my father of this and you'll be stoned."

A voice from behind Jakan said, "What is all this shouting?" And a sweet voice it was.

She came out of the house by the smith's shop. Her skin shone like copper and she had the light blue eyes of the northern desert people. Wisps of reddish-brown hair showed at the edges of her purple shawl. She couldn't have been more than nine or ten, but there was something very old in her eyes. I stopped breathing when I saw her.

Jakan puffed up like a toad. "Stay back. These two are consorting with a demon. I will tell the elders and they will be judged."

She spit at his feet. I had never seen a girl spit before. It was charming. "It looks like a cobra to me."

"See there, I told you."

She walked up to Sarah as if she were approaching a fig tree looking for fruit, not a hint of fear, only interest. "You think this is a demon?" she said, without looking back at Jakan. "Won't you be embarrassed when the elders find that you mistook a common snake of the field for a demon?"

"It is a demon."

The girl reached her hand up, and the snake made as if to strike, then lowered its head until its forked