Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore Page 0,69

and is at its smoothest."

I gulped. Joshua grinned and looked at the table in front of him. I often wondered, not just then, but most of the time, if Joshua had the ability to turn off his imagination when he needed to. He must have. Otherwise I don't know how he would have ever triumphed over temptation. I, on the other hand, was a slave to my imagination and it was running wild with the image of Balthasar's scalp massage.

"We'll stay. We'll learn. We'll do what is needed," I said.

Joshua burst out laughing, then calmed himself enough to speak. "Yes, we will stay and learn, Balthasar, but first I have to go to Kabul and finish some business."

"Of course you do," said Balthasar. "You can leave tomorrow. I'll have one of the girls show you the way, but for now, I must say good night." The wizard stalked off, leaving Joshua to collapse into a fit of giggles and me to wonder how I might look with my head shaved.

In the morning Joy came to our rooms wearing the garb of a desert trader: a loose tunic, soft leather boots, and pantaloons. Her hair was tied up under a turban and she carried a long riding crop in her hand. She led us through a long narrow passageway that went deep into the mountain, then emerged out of the side of a sheer cliff. We climbed a rope ladder to the top of the plateau where Pillows and Sue waited with three camels saddled and outfitted for a short journey. There was a small farm on the plateau, with several pens full of chickens, some goats, and a few pigs in a pen.

"We're going to have a tough time getting these camels down that ladder," I said.

Joy scowled and wrapped the tail of her turban around her face so that only her eyes showed. "There's a path down," she said. Then she tapped her camel on the shoulder with her crop and rode off, leaving Joshua and me to scramble onto our animals and follow.

The road down from the plateau was just wide enough for a single camel to sway his way down without falling, but once down on the desert floor, much like the entrance to the canyon where the fortress's entrance lay, if you didn't know it was there, you would never have found it. An added measure of security for a fortress that had no guards, I thought.

Joshua and I tried to engage Joy in conversation several times during the journey to Kabul, but she was cranky and abrupt and often just rode away from us.

"Probably depressed that she's not torturing me," I speculated.

"I can see how that might bring her down," said Joshua. "Maybe if you could get your camel to bite you. I know that always brightens my mood."

I rode on ahead without another word. It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

Once in Kabul, Joy led the search for the blinded guard by asking every blind beggar that we passed in the marketplace. "Have you seen a blind bowman who arrived by camel caravan a little more than a week ago?"

Joshua and I trailed several steps behind her, trying desperately to keep from grinning whenever she looked back. Joshua had wanted to point out the flaw in Joy's method, while I, on the other hand, wanted to savor her doofuscosity as passive revenge for having been poisoned. There was none of the competence and self-assured nature she showed at the fortress. She was clearly out of her element and I was enjoying it.

"You see," I explained to Joshua, "what Joy is doing is ironic, yet that's not her intent. That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm."

"No kidding?" said Josh.

"Why do I waste my time with you?"

We indulged Joy's search for the blind man for another hour before directing her inquiries to the sighted, and to men from the camel caravans in particular. Once she started asking sighted people, it was a short time before we were directed to a temple where the blinded guard was said to have staked his begging territory.

"There he is," said Joshua, pointing to a ragged pile of human being beckoning to the worshipers as they moved in and out of the temple.

"It looks like things have been tough on him," I said, amazed that the guard,