Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore Page 0,37

really can heal," John exclaimed.

"Well, the sniffles are easy," Joshua said. "A little mucus is nothing against the power of the Lord."

"Would - would you mind?" John said, lifting up his tunic and showing his bare privates, which were covered with sores and greenish scales.

"Cover, please cover!" I yelled. "Drop the shirt and step away!"

"That's disgusting," Joshua said.

"Am I unclean? I've been afraid to ask my father, and I can't go to a Pharisee, not with my father being a priest. I think it's from standing in the water all of the time. Can you heal me?"

(I have to say here that I believe that this was the first time Joshua's little sister Miriam ever saw a man's privates. She was only six at the time, but the experience so frightened her that she never married. The last time anyone heard from her, she had cut her hair short, put on men's clothes, and moved to the Greek island of Lesbos. But that was later.)

"Have at it, Josh," I said. "Lay your hands upon the affliction and heal it."

Joshua shot me a dirty look, then looked back to his cousin John, with nothing but compassion in his eyes. "My mother has some salve you can put on it," he said. "Let's see if that works first."

"I've tried salve," John said.

"I was afraid you had," said Joshua.

"Have you tried rubbing it with olive oil?" I asked. "It probably won't cure you, but it might take your mind off of it."

"Biff, please. John is afflicted."

"Sorry."

Joshua said, "Come here, John."

"Oh, jeez, Joshua," I said. "You're not going to touch it, are you? He's unclean. Let him live with the lepers."

Joshua put his hands on John's head and the Baptist's eyes rolled back in his head. I thought he would fall, and he did waver, but remained standing.

"Father, you have sent this one to prepare the way. Let him go forth with his body as clean as his spirit."

Joshua released his cousin and stepped back. John opened his eyes and smiled. "I am healed!" he yelled. "I am healed."

John began to raise his shirt and I caught his arm. "We'll take your word for it."

The Baptist fell to his knees, then prostrated himself before Joshua, shoving his face against Josh's feet. "You are truly the Messiah. I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I shall declare your holiness throughout the land."

"Uh, maybe someday, but not now," Joshua said.

John looked up from where he had been grasping Josh's ankles. "Not now?"

"We're trying to keep it a secret," I said.

Josh patted his cousin's head. "Yes, it would be best not to tell anyone about the healing, John."

"But why?"

"We have to find out a couple of things before Joshua starts being the Messiah," I said.

"Like what?" John seemed as if he would start crying again.

"Well, like where Joshua left his destiny and whether or not he's allowed to, uh, have an abomination with a woman."

"It's not an abomination if it's with a woman," Josh added.

"It's not?"

"Nope. Sheep, goats, pretty much any animal - it's an abomination. But with a woman, it's something totally different."

"What about a woman and a goat, what's that?" asked John.

"That's five shekels in Damascus," I said. "Six if you want to help."

Joshua punched me in the shoulder.

"Sorry, old joke." I grinned. "Couldn't resist."

John closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, as if he might squeeze some understanding out of his mind if he applied enough pressure. "So you don't want anyone to know that you have the power to heal because you don't know if you can lie with a woman?"

"Well, that and I have no idea how to go about being the Messiah," Josh said.

"Yeah, and that," I said.

"You should ask Hillel," John said. "My father says he's the wisest of all of the priests."

"I'm going to ask the Holy of Holies," Joshua said. (The Holy of Holies was the Ark of the Covenant - the box containing the tablets handed down from God to Moses. No one I knew had ever seen it, as it was housed in the inner room at the Temple.)

"But it's forbidden. Only a priest may enter the chamber of the Ark."

"Yes, that's going to be a problem," I said.

The city was like a huge cup that had been filled to its brim with pilgrims, then spilled into a seething pool of humanity around it. When we arrived men were already lined up as far as the Damascus gate, waiting with their lambs to get to the Temple.