Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore Page 0,36

dunked, and the Baptist. "You won't tell Mother about this, will you?"

Halfway between terrified and furious, James was tearing at the knots, trying to untie the rope from around his neck. He clearly wanted revenge on his big brother, but at the same time he didn't want to give up his brother's protection from John.

"If we let John baptize you long enough, you won't be able to tell your mother, will you, James?" Me, just trying to help out.

"I won't tell," James said. He looked back at John, who was still staring as if he'd dash out and grab someone to cleanse any second. "He's our cousin?"

"Yes," Joshua said. "The son of our mother's cousin Elizabeth."

"When did you meet him before?"

"I haven't."

"Then how did you know him."

"I just did."

"He's a loony," said James. "You're both loonies."

"Yes, a family trait. Maybe when you get older you can be a loony too. You won't tell Mother."

"No."

"Good," Joshua said. "You and Biff get the kids moving, will you?"

I nodded, shooting a glance back to John. "James is right, Josh. He is a loony."

"I heard that, sinner!" John shouted. "Perhaps you need to be cleansed."

John and his parents shared supper with us that evening. I was surprised that John's parents were older than Joseph - older than my grandparents even. Joshua told me that John's birth had been a miracle, announced by the angel. Elizabeth, John's mother, talked about it all through supper, as if it had happened yesterday instead of thirteen years ago. When the old woman paused to take a breath, Joshua's mother started in about the divine announcement of her own son's birth. Occasionally my mother, feeling the need to exhibit some maternal pride that she didn't really feel, would chime in as well.

"You know, Biff wasn't announced by an angel, but locusts ate our garden and Alphaeus had gas for a month around the time he would have been conceived. I think it might have been a sign. That certainly didn't happen with my other boys."

Ah, Mother. Did I mention that she was besought with a demon?

After supper, Joshua and I built our own fire, away from the others, hoping that Maggie would seek us out, but it turned out that only John joined us.

"You are not the anointed one," John said to Joshua. "Gabriel came to my father. Your angel didn't even have a name."

"We shouldn't be talking about these things," Joshua said.

"The angel told my father that his son would prepare the way for the Lord. That's me."

"Fine, I want nothing more than for you to be the Messiah, John."

"Really?" John asked. "But your mother seems so, so..."

"Josh can raise the dead," I said.

John shifted his insane gaze to me, and I scooted away from him in case he tried to hit me. "He cannot," John said.

"Yep, I've seen it twice."

"Don't, Biff," Josh said.

"You're lying. Bearing false witness is a sin," John said. The Baptist started to look more panicked than angry.

"I'm not very good at it," Joshua said.

John's eyes went wide, now with amazement instead of madness. "You have done this? You have raised the dead?"

"And healed the sick," I said.

John grabbed me by the front of my tunic and pulled me close, staring into my eyes as if he was looking into my head. "You aren't lying, are you?" He looked at Joshua. "He's not lying, is he?"

Joshua shook his head. "I don't think so."

John released me, let out a long sigh, then sat back in the dirt. The firelight caught tears sparkling in his eyes as he stared at nothing. "I am so relieved. I didn't know what I would do. I don't know how to be the Messiah."

"Neither do I," said Joshua.

"Well, I hope you really can raise the dead," John said, "because this will kill my mother."

We walked with John for the next three days, through Samaria, into Judea, and finally into the holy city. Fortunately, there weren't many rivers or streams along the way, so we were able to keep his baptisms to a minimum. His heart was in the right place, he really did want to cleanse our people of their sins, it was just that no one would believe that God would give that responsibility to a thirteen-year-old. To keep John happy, Josh and I let him baptize our little brothers and sisters at every body of water we passed, at least until Josh's little sister Miriam developed the sniffles and Joshua had to perform an emergency healing on her.

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