little sister Miriam, didn't you?" Here her voice went to a conspiratorial whisper. "Started wearing men's clothes and ran off to the island of Lesbos." Back to normal nudging tone. "That's Greek, you know? You boys didn't go to Greece on your travels, did you?"
"No, Mother, I really have to go."
I tried to stand and she grabbed me. "It's because your father has a Greek name, isn't it? I told you, Alphaeus, change the name, but you said you were proud of it. Well, I hope you're proud of it now. What's next, Lucius here will start hanging Jews on crosses like the other Romans?"
"I'm not a Roman, Mother," Lucius said wearily. "Lots of good Jews have Latin names."
"Not that it matters, Mother, but how do you think they get more Greeks?"
To my mother's credit, she stopped for a second to think. I used the lull to escape.
"Nice to see you guys." I nodded to all of my relatives, old and new. "I'll come by and visit before I go. I have to go check on Joshua." And I was out the door.
I threw the door open at Joshua's old house without even knocking, nearly coldcocking Joshua's brother Judah in the process. "Josh, you've got to bring the kingdom soon or I'm going to have to kill my mother."
"She still plagued by demons?" asked Judah, who looked exactly as he had when he was four, except for the beard and the receding hairline, but he was as wide-eyed and goofy of smile as he had ever been.
"No, I was just being hopeful when I used to say that."
"Will you join us for supper?" said Mary. Thank God she had aged: gone a little thicker around the hips and waist, developed some lines at the corner of her eyes and mouth. Now she was just the second or third most beautiful creature on earth.
"Love to," I said.
James must have been home with his wife and children, as I guessed were the other sisters and brothers, except for Miriam, and I'd already been apprised of her whereabouts. At the table it was only Mary, Joshua, Judah, his pretty wife, Ruth, and two little redheaded girls that looked like their mother.
I expressed my condolences for the family's loss, and Joshua filled me in on the timing of events. About the time that I spotted Mary's portrait on the temple wall in Nicobar, Joseph had taken ill with some disease of the water. He started peeing blood, and in a week he was bedridden. He lingered only a week longer before he died. He'd been buried for two months now. I looked at Joshua as Mary related this part of the story and he shook his head, meaning, too long in the grave, there's nothing I can do. Mary had known nothing about a message calling us home.
"Even if you two had only been in Damascus you'd have been lucky to get here in time. He went so fast." She was strong, had recovered somewhat from the loss, but Joshua appeared to still be in shock.
"You have to go find Joshua's cousin John," Mary said. "He's been preaching about the coming of the kingdom, of preparing the way for the Messiah."
"We've heard," I said.
"I'll stay here with you, Mother," Joshua said. "James is right, I have responsibilities. I've shirked them too long."
Mary touched her son's face and looked in his eyes. "You will leave in the morning and you will find John the Baptist in Judea and you will do what God has ordained you do since he placed you in my womb. Your responsibilities are not to a bitter brother or an old woman."
Joshua looked at me. "Can you leave in the morning? I know it's soon after being gone so long."
"Actually, I thought I'd stay, Josh. Your mother needs someone to look after her, and she's still a relatively attractive woman. I mean, a guy could do worse."
Judah aspirated an olive pit and began coughing furiously until Joshua pounded him on the back and the pit shot across the room, leaving Judah gasping and staring at me through watery red eyes.
I put my hand on Joshua and Judah's shoulders. "I think I can learn to love you both as sons." I looked at the pretty but shy Ruth, who was tending the little girls. "And you, Ruth, I hope that you can learn to love me as a slightly older, but incredibly attractive close uncle. And you, Mary - "
"Will you go
Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 1 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 2 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 3 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 4 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 5 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 6 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 7 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 8 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 9 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 10 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 11 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 12 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 13 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 14 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 15 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 16 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 17 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 18 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 19 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 20 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 21 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 22 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 23 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 24 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 25 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 26 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 27 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 28 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 29 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 30 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 31 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 32 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 33 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 34 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 35 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 36 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 37 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 38 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 39 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 40 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 41 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 42 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 43 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 44 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 45 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 46 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 47 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 48 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 49 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 50 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 51 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 52 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 53 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 54 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 55 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 56 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 57 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 58 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 59 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 60 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 61 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 62 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 63 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 64 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 65 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 66 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 67 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 68 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 69 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 70 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 71 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 72 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 73 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 74 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 75 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 76 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 77 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 78 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 79 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 80 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 81 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 82 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 83 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 84 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 85 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 86 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 87 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 88 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 89 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 90 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 91 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 92 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 93 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 94 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 95 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 96 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 97 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 98 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 99 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 100 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 101 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 102 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 103 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 104 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 105 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 106 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 107 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 108 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 109 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 110 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 111 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 112 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 113 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 114 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 115 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 116 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 117 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 118 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 119 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 120 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 121 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 122 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 123 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 124 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 125 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 126 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 127 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 128 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 129 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 130 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 131 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 132 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 133 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 134 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 135 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 136 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 137 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 138 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 139 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 140 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 141 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 142 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 143 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 144 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 145 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 146 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 147 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 148 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 149 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 150 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 151 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 152 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 153 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 154 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 155 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 156 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 157 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 158 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 159 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 160 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 161 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 162 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 163 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 164 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 165 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 166 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 167 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 168 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 169 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 170 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 171 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 172 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 173 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 174 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 175 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 176 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 177 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 178 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 179 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 180 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 181 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 182 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 183 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 184 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 185 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 186 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 187 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 188 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 189 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 190 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 191 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 192