she asked Joshua.
"I will do the work of my father, eventually, yes."
"And you?" she asked me.
"I'm thinking of being a professional mourner. How hard can it be? Tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of the week off."
"His father is a stonemason," Joshua said. "We may both learn that skill." At my urging, my father had offered to take Joshua on as an apprentice if Joseph approved.
"Or a shepherd," I added quickly. "Being a shepherd seems easy. I went with Kaliel last week to tend his flock. The Law says that two must go with the flock to keep an abomination from happening. I can spot an abomination from fifty paces."
Maggie smiled. "And did you prevent any abominations?"
"Oh yes, I kept all of the abominations at bay while Kaliel played with his favorite sheep behind the bushes."
"Biff," Joshua said gravely, "that was the abomination you were supposed to prevent."
"It was?"
"Yes."
"Whoops. Oh well, I think I would make an excellent mourner. Do you know the words to any dirges, Maggie? I'm going to need to learn some dirges."
"I think that when I grow up," Maggie announced, "I shall go back to Magdala and become a fisherman on the Sea of Galilee."
I laughed, "Don't be silly, you are a girl. You can't be a fisherman."
"Yes I can."
"No, you can't. You have to marry and have sons. Are you betrothed, by the way?"
Joshua said: "Come with me, Maggie, and I will make you a fisher of men."
"What the hell does that mean?" Maggie asked.
I grabbed Joshua by the back of his robe and began to drag him away. "Don't pay any attention to him. He's mad. He gets it from his mother. Lovely woman, but a loony. Come now, Josh, let's sing a dirge."
I began improvising what I thought was a good funeral song.
"La-la-la. Oh, we are really, really sad that your mom is dead. Too bad you're a Sadducee and don't believe in an afterlife and your mom is just going to be worm food, la-la. Makes you think that you might want to reconsider, huh? Fa-la-la-la-la-la-wacka-wacka." (It sounded great in Aramaic. Really.)
"You two are silly."
"Gotta go. Mourning to do. See you."
"A fisher of women?" Josh said.
"Fa-la-la-la, don't feel bad - she was old and had no teeth left, la-la-la. Come on, people, you know the words!"
Later, I said, "Josh, you can't keep saying creepy things like that. 'Fisher of men,' you want the Pharisees to stone you? Is that what you want?"
"I'm only doing my father's work. Besides, Maggie is our friend, she wouldn't say anything."
"You're going to scare her away."
"No I won't. She's going to be with us, Biff."
"Are you going to marry her?"
"I don't even know if I'm allowed to marry at all, Biff. Look."
We were topping the hill into Japhia, and we could see the crowd of mourners gathering around the village. Joshua was pointing to a red crest that stood out above the crowd - the helmet crest of a Roman centurion. The centurion was talking to the Levite priest, who was arrayed in white and gold, his white beard reaching past his belt. As we moved into the village we could see twenty or thirty other soldiers watching the crowd.
"Why are they here?"
"They don't like it when we gather," Joshua said, pausing to study the centurion commander. "They are here to see that we don't revolt."
"Why is the priest talking to him?"
"The Sadducee wants to assure the Roman of his influence over us. It wouldn't do to have a massacre on the day of his mother's funeral."
"So he's watching out for us."
"He's watching out for himself. Only for himself."
"You shouldn't say that about a priest of the Temple, Joshua." It was the first time I ever heard Joshua speak against the Sadducees, and it frightened me.
"Today, I think this priest will learn who the Temple belongs to."
"I hate it when you talk like that, Josh. Maybe we should go home."
"Do you remember the dead meadowlark we found?"
"I have a really bad feeling about this."
Joshua grinned at me. I could see gold flecks shining in his eyes. "Sing your dirge, Biff. I think Maggie was impressed by your singing."
"Really? You think so?"
"Nope."
There was a crowd of five hundred outside the tomb. In the front, the men had draped striped shawls over their heads and rocked as they prayed. The women were separated to the back, and except for the wailing of the hired mourners, it was as if they didn't exist. I
<<Previous page Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 1 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 2 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 3 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 4 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 5 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 6 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 7 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 8 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 9 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 10 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 11 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 12 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 13 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 14 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 15 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 16 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 17 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 18 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 19 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 20 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 21 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 22 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 23 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 24 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 25 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 26 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 27 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 28 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 29 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 30 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 31 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 32 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 33 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 34 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 35 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 36 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 37 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 38 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 39 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 40 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 41 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 42 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 43 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 44 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 45 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 46 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 47 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 48 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 49 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 50 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 51 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 52 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 53 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 54 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 55 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 56 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 57 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 58 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 59 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 60 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 61 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 62 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 63 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 64 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 65 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 66 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 67 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 68 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 69 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 70 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 71 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 72 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 73 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 74 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 75 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 76 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 77 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 78 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 79 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 80 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 81 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 82 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 83 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 84 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 85 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 86 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 87 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 88 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 89 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 90 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 91 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 92 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 93 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 94 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 95 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 96 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 97 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 98 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 99 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 100 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 101 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 102 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 103 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 104 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 105 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 106 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 107 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 108 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 109 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 110 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 111 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 112 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 113 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 114 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 115 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 116 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 117 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 118 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 119 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 120 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 121 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 122 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 123 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 124 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 125 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 126 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 127 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 128 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 129 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 130 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 131 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 132 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 133 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 134 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 135 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 136 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 137 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 138 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 139 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 140 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 141 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 142 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 143 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 144 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 145 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 146 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 147 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 148 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 149 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 150 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 151 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 152 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 153 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 154 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 155 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 156 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 157 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 158 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 159 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 160 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 161 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 162 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 163 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 164 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 165 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 166 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 167 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 168 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 169 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 170 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 171 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 172 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 173 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 174 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 175 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 176 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 177 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 178 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 179 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 180 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 181 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 182 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 183 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 184 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 185 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 186 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 187 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 188 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 189 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 190 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 191 Lamb The Gospel According to Biff Christs Childho - By Christopher Moore - Page 192
Next page>>