Lakewood - Megan Giddings Page 0,47
as Judy the receptionist. She looked almost exactly like Bethany: older, white, a little thinner and taller, with blonde hair Lena knew was dyed because of the uniformity of the color.
She had brought in a plate of candied ginger scones. “They help with your digestion.”
At 11 a.m., Judy stood up from the receptionist’s desk. She did lunges, stretched, rolled her neck around, made sounds as if she were doing exerting exercises rather than moving her body.
At 2:15, she did it again. Then she walked over to Lena’s desk. “I noticed your face looks a little dry.”
“What?”
“Your face.” Judy pointed. “That means you need to incorporate more oranges into your diet. Oh, and drink only sparkling water for the minerals. That one is easy because the water here tastes so weird.”
Lena said she had to go take care of something. She went to the women’s bathroom, sat in a stall, and read on her phone for 20 minutes.
Day 32: Judy (the receptionist) begins a Get Fit! program for the office. The person with the most steps at the end of the month wins a special prize from corporate. You are suspicious that Tom is the person leaving the microwave dirty. A truck driver flirts with you over the phone.
At 11 a.m., Judy again did her stretches, letting out a moan Lena described in her head as Oh-no, my-groin. When she was done, Judy opened her desk drawer and pulled out what looked like a grapefruit. She peeled it, and the smell filled the air. She walked over to Lena’s desk, stood over her shoulder, and began talking at her. So, she was dating Charlie, right? No? That was surprising. Young people especially need love or they’ll just wilt, she told Lena. And didn’t Lena think Tom needed to lose 15 pounds or he was going to need a CPAP machine? You could just tell by how he sounded that he was a snorer. She paused to take a big bite of the grapefruit, gnashing it between her teeth and making a loud, wet noise that made Lena wince.
This time, Lena went to the supply closet, sat on the floor, and just stared at the piles of copy paper and the cleaning supplies.
Day 34. Judy sent everyone an email suggesting they plan a Christmas-in-July office party, though the day she had in mind was over six weeks away. When Charlie replied Sounds fun(!), the bombardment began. Email after email about Christmas dinner ideas, cheap decorations, game ideas, dress codes, playlists, guest lists, who should play Santa because, no offense, Santa should be authentic, so maybe they could all chip in and hire an actor if it was okay with the higher-ups to have an outsider in here.
After the third email with no response from anyone, Judy wandered around the office eating a grapefruit and asking people pointed questions about email etiquette.
“I wish someone would give me a pill that makes me forget the phrase, ‘Christmas in July,’” Charlie whispered as he and Lena went upstairs to the conference room. They were going to do another synching activity.
“She’s made me hate Christmas,” Lena said. “I hope they Bethany her.”
“Whoa, harsh.”
“I know. Too far.”
Day 36. Lena came back from the weekend ready to engage with Christmas in July. Maybe they could make their own decorations? It could be something fun to do. A blonde woman Lena didn’t recognize was putting a poster up over Bethany’s old STRESSED IS JUST DESSERTS SPELLED BACKWARD! poster. This one had an illustration of five slices of chocolate cake with a cherry on top over a light-pink background. In the middle, in large red cursive, it bore the same slogan: STRESSED IS JUST DESSERTS SPELLED BACKWARD!
This woman looked like a combination of Judy and Bethany. Small, close-set green eyes. Blonde hair was cut into a long bob.
“Hi, my name is Judy,” the woman said. “And you must be Lena. I’m your new neighbor.”
“Hi. Did you know our last receptionist was also named Judy? Isn’t that.”
“No, the last receptionist here was named Bethany. Or at least that’s what they said in my interview.”
Lena paused. When the other woman didn’t laugh or say she was joking, Lena turned to the poster. “I like this. It’s cute.”
This new Judy’s voice was higher. She talked seriously about the poster as if they were at an art museum together: The theme was cheerfulness, perseverance, finding the joy. Her explanation grew more and more condescending, but Lena continued nodding. She imagined herself interrupting this weird