Lakewood - Megan Giddings Page 0,13
tree branches.
“What are your views on how America treats women?”
“Can you repeat the question?”
“What,” Dr. Lisa said very slowly, “are your views on how America treats women?”
“I don’t think that’s a fair question.”
Dr. Lisa stopped walking. For the first time, her eyes were directly on Lena’s face, not on the clipboard she was carrying or on a bird’s progress.
“Tell me why.”
“It forces me to make an assessment about all women. I am a thousand percent sure there are plenty of white women who think America is great to them. But America is only routinely good to women, especially black women, when it wants something from them.”
“How is that different from men?” Some birds bickered on a tree branch, then flew off into the bright blue sky.
“I think men can be absolutely useless and a lot of people will find a way to say something nice about them. Especially white men. But a woman has to be something. If she’s not, you know, considered hot or the right amount of smart or good at cooking, people don’t see her. And if she’s too much of something, then many people hate her.”
“Isn’t that a little cynical? Demoralizing?”
Lena shrugged. The tip of her nose felt cold, as if it would start running soon if they stayed out in the chill air for much longer. “Sometimes. But most of the time, because it’s the way things are, I don’t think about it consciously. I just deal with it.”
“I think I understand what you’re saying,” Dr. Lisa said, her voice slow and thoughtful. She scribbled something.
Lena brought her hands up to her mouth and blew on them. Clapped a few times.
“I think you’re ready. Let’s go inside.”
Once Lena was settled into the large wing chair across from Dr. Lisa’s desk, the next question came: “How comfortable are you when people of other races attempt to talk to you about racism?”
Lena raised her eyebrows.
“That’s a good enough answer. How much do you care about other people’s opinions?”
Lena crossed her ankles. She explained that if it was family or Tanya, she cared a lot. But she didn’t have the bandwidth to care too much about what other people think. “I’m already tired a lot of the time.” Lena coughed. The small fountain on Dr. Lisa’s desk burbled water. Its motor rattled. “I lost my train of thought.”
Next, it was on to hypotheticals.
“Let’s say there was a car with its brakes out heading toward a crowd of people. If it hit the crowd, it would kill maybe five people. You have the option to divert it, only killing the driver. What would you do?”
She paused. “I guess, if I had to, kill the driver.”
“A person is plotting an attack against other people at your school. You have the option to stop them, but the way you do it will result in their death. Can you do it?”
“Why do you want to know if I could kill someone?”
“I’m just getting to know you. Now, what if a person was standing in your living room at night, pointing a gun at you? Or at your mom?” Dr. Lisa’s white teeth looked freshly painted. “What if a man was sexually assaulting you? How far can you go?”
Out the window was a patch of Queen Anne’s lace. A bee buzzed over it. Didn’t they hibernate? Lena had no idea if she could ask to take a break.
Dr. Lisa leaned back in her seat and adjusted the blinds. “Do you need me to repeat the question?”
“Thanks. The light was making my eyes hurt.” Lena’s lying voice always came out an octave higher.
“Lena, it’s important that you answer every question as honestly as you possibly can.”
“I guess, deep down, I think I could do a lot to make sure other people survived. But I think everyone wants to think of themselves as a potential hero. And I think I’m avoiding answering the questions because the idea of being in a situation where I have to hurt someone else makes me feel mostly sick.” Lena looked down at her hands. There was a patch of dry skin near her left thumb.
“Thank you.” The doctor took a sip of water. Another. Then she cleared her throat. “Let’s say you found out that aliens are real during these studies. But you’ve given your word and signed a binding contract. What do you think could get you to break that promise?”
“I guess, I don’t know. Maybe if the aliens are going to kill us all. I’d rather be