of what she wanted, what she desired. She had not had a care for the repercussions to everyone around her.
To Julian and Clara.
To Decker.
To herself.
She winced. “Pray forgive me, Julian. It was not my intention to cause you or Clara further worry, and the last thing I wanted was for you to engage in a bout of fisticuffs with Decker.”
“Mr. Decker,” Julian clipped icily. “Though I suppose the form of address hardly matters any longer since you will never see the blighter again.”
The thought of never seeing Decker again filled her with dread.
In such a short amount of time, he had become as essential to her as air. The promise of seeing him again, touching him again, kissing him, striking through the items on her wicked list with him, was the driving force of her days.
Because you are losing your heart to him, you foolish, foolish hen wit.
Dear heavens. It was true.
“I will see him tomorrow,” she reminded her brother through suddenly dry lips. “He said he will call upon me then.”
Julian raised a dark brow. “And we shall not be at home to him when he does.”
“Yes we shall,” she countered. “Or at least, I shall.”
“Josephine, this is not a small matter,” Julian said, sounding quite paternal. Also distinctly unlike a man who had amassed a reputation to rival Decker’s before he had wedded Clara. “You were seen by at least one servant. Although I do believe the footman in question is loyal, there is a distinct possibility he has shared his knowledge with others, or that his fellow domestics witnessed you entering Mr. Decker’s carriage on subsequent occasions. Furthermore, there remains the matter of the possibility you are carrying Mr. Decker’s child.”
Jo had not bargained upon the possibility that she had been seen by other servants. The realization gave her pause, but not as much pause as the latter portion of what her brother had just relayed to her did. Jo was not as well-versed on the subject as she would have preferred, it was true, but she knew that kisses did not beget children.
“I can assure you, Julian, your concern is misplaced,” she said quietly. She supposed it would only make sense that he would believe the worst, given Decker’s reputation.
Would Julian believe the man had done little more than show her lewd art, kiss her senseless, charm her to the verge of distraction, and feed her cream ice? She hardly thought so.
“You can save your assurances, Josephine,” he returned, still grim as ever. “Forgive me if I do not trust a single word you utter just now.”
That was fair enough. She could hardly argue her actions ought to instill confidence in her honesty. She had deceived him repeatedly. She had also pursued a man she knew he would find unsuitable for her. Whilst it was true that her initial association with Decker had begun because of the list and his taunting blackmail, it had swiftly blossomed into more.
So much more.
“I am sorry, Julian,” she apologized quietly.
She was contrite. It had been wrong to lie to her brother. She certainly had no wish to be the cause of any upset in his life. With Clara soon ready to give birth, heaven knew he hardly needed further worries to fret over. However, she was not sorry about the time she had spent with Decker.
Nor was she finished with him.
But did she want to marry him?
Ah, there was the question.
“Apologies do not speak as loudly as actions do, Josephine,” her brother reminded her tautly.
“I do wish you would cease calling me Josephine,” she said. “You know how much I detest that name. What was mother thinking, burdening me with such a dubious mantle?”
“Mayhap she was thinking you would give your brother gray hair before his time with your antics and I would need a full name to resort to in times of trouble,” he said wryly, the first inkling of his sense of humor returning.
She gave him a small smile, relief washing over her. “I promise I will not do anything so reckless again, Julian.”
“There will not be further chance to,” he said, the hint of a smile on his lips vanishing. “I am going to have to find you a husband now, quickly. Have you any preference? I cannot make any promises, but I will do my best to see you settled with a good man, a man worthy of you.”
The only man she wanted to be settled with was calling upon her tomorrow to reluctantly offer to