Lachlan (Dangerous Doms #5) - Jane Henry Page 0,68
at me?” I want to shake her until her teeth rattle. She’s everything to me, but she won’t even look my way.
“I don’t know,” she whispers. “I can’t explain it. But it seems everything I’ve feared is beginning to happen. And I don’t want… literally everything to vanish.”
I tried to let her go. I tried to let her find her way, to chase her dreams, and now I’m dragging her back to Ballyhock. I can’t help but blame myself for this.
I know that I’m to blame. I bloody know it.
“Don’t talk right now, Lach, please,” she whispers, but I don’t care. My only job right now is to protect her. Get her home. See to her safety and return to her family. I sigh. Where she belongs.
Chapter 17
Fiona
I feel like a complete fool and a total arse.
Lachlan came all the way from Ballyhock to me, to see to my safety and wellbeing. And now, I can barely stand to look at him.
What I can’t explain is that it isn’t him that’s to blame. It’s me.
I’ve suspected that I’m broken, that a part of me doesn’t work the way it’s meant to. And these past few days with Lachlan have confirmed just that.
He loves me, and I love him, but I’ll always be that broken girl from Stone City.
Can I really be whole again?
My poor sister’s mourning a devastating loss, and I’m here in Boston. I came this far to find myself and lost a part of myself along the way.
I’ve ruined everything. He deserves someone whole, unlike me. Someone who won’t hold him back with her endless doubts and fears. Someone older… more mature than I am.
I wish I had my phone. I wish I could talk to Megan.
Lachlan’s own cold resolve confirms my decision to pull back. To give him space. There’s a hard set about his jaw, and his eyes are dark and brooding. I want to ask him what’s wrong, but that would show that I care.
He asked me to trust him. Hell, I do. He hasn’t done anything but earn that trust. I’ll be forever grateful for everything he’s done for me.
I’ll never forget the triumphant look on his face when Calum pulled the trigger and killed my assailant, nor the way Tiernan was ready to shed blood just as easily. I love my brother and Lachlan, but they are ruthless killers. Joining myself to Lachlan only pulls me further in. I may never resurface. I sigh. I thought I’d made my peace with this.
Why do the wounds of my youth resurface now? Will I ever make my peace?
My heart is heavy. I’m submerged in a well of sadness I can’t escape. I watch as he makes plans for us to go home, to return to Ballyhock. I go along with him, unable to give voice to what I fear, what’s consuming me right now. I can tell my own reticence right now hurts him, and he’s responding with anger of his own.
“Right then,” he finally says. “We’re leaving in an hour.”
I feel like an utter failure. I got a scholarship here, came all the way to Boston to make something of myself, and I’m going home with my tail between my legs. Home to what? I can’t move back in with Sheena and Nolan. I can’t give myself fully to Lachlan, and that knowledge makes my heart grow heavy with dread.
Why can’t I? What’s so wrong with me that I can’t be who he needs me to be?
“Stay by my side,” he says tersely. “You hear me?”
“Of course I hear you,” I snap.
He’s got several large parcels in his arms, the few things I want to bring back home with me right away.
“What the hell is going on with you?”
I’m hurting, I want to tell him. There’s an ache deep inside me.
But I can’t give voice to those feelings. I don’t want him to think I’m any more broken than I am. So, I only shrug. “Hard to leave when I had hopes of staying,” I finally tell him. “It’s nothing personal.”
It’s utterly fucking personal.
He opens his mouth to speak and then closes it and shakes his head as if second guessing himself.
“What?”
“Get in the car,” he snaps, jerking his head at the waiting car.
“Fuck you,” I mutter under my breath.
I want to cry, because I don’t even know what’s caused this rift between us. It seems like only minutes ago he was bringing me to climax, holding me to his chest, our heartbeats syncing