They didn't ask to be born like they were--all mixed up because of rape and evil. They really were victims. I don't feel sorry for them, I said, wondering why Stevie Rae sounded like she was standing up for the nasty Raven Mockers. Damien shivered. Do we have to talk about them? Nope, we sure don't, Stevie Rae said quickly. Good, and anyway, the reason I brought Zoey down here was to show her the tunnel you made, Stevie Rae. I have to tell you--I think it's astonishing. Thanks, Damien! It was seriously cool when I figured out I could actually do it. Stevie Rae took a few steps past me and into the mouth of the tunnel, where she was instantly surrounded by the total darkness that stretched behind her like the insides of a huge ebony snake.
She raised her arms so that her palms pressed against the dirt walls of the tunnel. Suddenly she reminded me of a scene from Samson and Delilah, an old movie I'd watched with Damien a month or so ago. The image that flashed through my memory was when Delilah had led the blind Samson to stand between massive pillars that held up the stadium filled with awful people taunting him. He'd gotten his magical strength back and ended up pushing the pillars apart and destroying himself and . . . Isn't that right, Zoey? Huh? I blinked, disturbed by the sad, destructive scene I'd been reliving in my mind. I said, Mary didn't move the earth for me when I made the tunnel; the power Nyx gave me did. Jeesh, you're not payin' attention to me at all, Stevie Rae said. She'd taken her hands from the side of the tunnel and was giving me her what's going on inside your head now? look. Sorry, what were you saying about Nyx? Just that I really don't think Nyx and the dang Virgin Mary have anything to do with each other; Jesus' mama definitely didn't help me move the earth to make this tunnel.
She shrugged a shoulder. I don't want to hurt your feelings or nothin' like that, Sister, but that's what I think. You're entitled to your own opinion, Stevie Rae, said the nun, looking as calm as usual. But you should know that saying you don't believe in something doesn't make it any less possible that it exists. Well, I've been giving this some thought, and personally I don't find it such an odd hypothesis, Damien said. You should remember that in your Fledgling Handbook 101, Mary is illustrated as one of the many faces of Nyx. Huh, I said. Really? Damien gave me a stern look that clearly said you really should be a better student before he nodded, and in his best schoolteacher voice continued, Yes. It is well documented that during the influx of Christianity into Europe, shrines to Gaea, as well as Nyx, were converted to shrines for Mary long before people converted to the new . . .
Damien's droning on and on was a soothing background as I peered into the tunnel. The darkness was deep and thick. Just inches behind Stevie Rae I could see nothing. Absolutely nothing. I stared, imagining forms hiding there. Someone or something could be lurking mere feet from us and we'd never know it, not if they didn't want to be seen. And that scared me. Okay, but that's ridiculous! I told myself. It's just a tunnel. Still, my irrational fear pushed at me. Which, sadly, pissed me off and made me want to push back. So, like every moronic blond extra in a horror movie, I took one step into the darkness. And then another. The dark swallowed me. My mind knew I was only a couple of feet from the root cellar and my friends. I could hear Damien blabbing about religion and the Goddess. But my mind wasn't what was beating in terror against my chest.
My heart, my spirit, my soul--whatever you want to call it--was screaming soundlessly for me to run! Get away! Go! I felt the pressure of the earth as if it wasn't a hole in the ground, but instead it had filled in, covering me . . . suff ocating me . . . trapping me. My breath was coming faster and faster. I knew I must be hyperventilating, but I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to back away from the hole that snaked away from my feet into the darkness, but all I could manage was a stumbled half step back. I couldn't make my feet do what I was telling them to do! Dots of lights sparkled in my eyes, blinding me, while everything else started to go gray. Then I was falling . . . falling . . .
Chapter Five
The darkness was unrelieved. Blinding more than my sight, it wiped away all of my senses. I thought I was gasping for breath and flailing around, trying to find something--anything I could touch, hear, or smell--anything that would give me a handhold on reality. But I had no sensation at all. The cocoon of darkness and the fluttering of my frantic heartbeat were all I knew. Was I dead? No, I didn't think so. I remembered that I'd been in the tunnel under the Benedictine Abbey, only a few feet away from my friends.
I'd been freaked out by the darkness, but that couldn't have made me drop dead. But I'd been afraid. I remembered being very afraid. Then there had been nothing but this darkness. What's happened to me? Nyx! My mind screamed. Help me, Goddess! Please show me some kind of light! "Listen with your soul . . ." I thought I cried aloud at the sweet, reassuring sound of the Goddess's voice in my mind, but when her words were gone, there was only the unrelenting silence and darkness. How in the hell was I supposed to listen with my soul? I tried to calm myself and hear something, but there was just silence--a soul-sucking, black, empty, utter silence like nothing I'd ever before experienced. I had no framework to guide me here, I only knew-- The realization struck me and my mind reeled with understanding. I did have a framework to guide me.
Part of me had experienced this darkness before. I couldn't see. I couldn't feel. I couldn't do anything but turn within myself, questing for the part of me that might be able to make sense of this, that might be able to guide me out of here. Memory stirred again, this time taking me back long before the night in the tunnel under the abbey. The years fell away with my re sis tance until finally, finally I felt again. My senses returned slowly. I began to hear more than my own thoughts. There was a drumbeat that pulsed around me, and within it were woven the distant voices of women. The sense of smell returned to me, and I recognized the dank scent that reminded me of the abbey tunnel.
Finally, I could feel the earth against my na**d back. I only had an instant to sift through the flood of my returned senses before the rest of my awareness was jolted awake. I wasn't alone! My back was pressed against the earth, but I was being held tightly in someone's arms. Then he spoke. "Oh, Goddess, no! Do not let this be!" It was Kalona's voice, and my immediate reaction was to cry out and struggle blindly away from him, but I wasn't in charge of my body and the words that came from my mouth were not my own. "Sssh, do not despair. I am with you, my love."