“They bled for Lunwyn,” he corrected me.
I pressed my lips together and nodded because he was right.
He continued to study me. Then he pulled a breath in through his nose, closed his eyes and turned his head to the side and when he did this, I studied him for this was unusual for Apollo. He rarely showed emotion and the only emotion I’d ever seen him show was gentleness to me.
And, sometimes, anger.
But now he looked conflicted.
Then he opened his eyes and looked back at me.
“It is early,” he said gently, “for you, too early for such talk. For Lunwyn, however, it is not and therefore it must be said. But I have concerns, concerns I discussed with Lazarus and Ravenscroft, concerns they share.”
I felt my brows draw together as I felt a thrill up my spine. “What concerns?”
As was his way when he was with me, he continued speaking gently. “You are vulnerable, Finnie, as is your child.”
I knew this. Boy, did I know it. Therefore I nodded.
Then I reminded him, “I have Frey’s men. They will stand behind me.”
And I knew they would for Ruben told me they would, in fact, he vowed it.
“Indeed,” he agreed. “And this is an alternative for you to consider.”
I blinked.
An alternative?
“I have another choice?” I asked, sounding confused.
“I think, and Ravenscroft and Lazarus agree, that once this is done, the traitors are punished and Lunwyn is again at peace, you should wed me.”
I blinked at the same time I drew in a sharp breath but Apollo didn’t stop speaking.
“I will vow to keep you and your child safe. I will vow to stand beside you and assist as you raise him king. And he will have a brother and sister who I’ve no doubt will dote on him.”
I said nothing, just stared.
Apollo got closer, dipped his chin and held my eyes but he didn’t touch me.
Then he whispered, “We share something, you and I, something no one but us understands. I do not offer you avowals of love and I think you understand I never will. I understand I will not receive the same from you. But our union would provide stability for our country, a mother for my children, a father for your child and company for us both. If your heart was to mend in such a way that you grow to find me pleasing, then perhaps we will create our own family. If not, I will understand and I will take my attentions elsewhere.” Eyes wide in shock, I opened my mouth to speak but he shook his head and lifted a hand. “This is not for now. This is for you to consider. This is for much later. This is simply an option, Finnie, nothing more. There will be no animosity should you refuse and you leave this tent knowing, no matter what you chose, I stand behind you and always will.”
I pressed my lips together again, this time for a different reason then I let them go and forced out a heartfelt, “Thank you.”
Apollo nodded, moved slightly away and I knew by the look on his face his mind was on other things and he was done with me.
But I wasn’t done with him.
“Apollo,” I called, his eyes focused on me and then, haltingly, I asked, “Does it… I mean, I get the sense from you, um…” I stopped, his brows rose and I finished on a whisper, “It doesn’t get better does it?”
His gaze grew soft and his lids slightly lowering but I still saw the flash of pain in his eyes, the same pain I felt in my soul.
Then he whispered his reply, “No, sweet Finnie, it does not.”
I nodded. I knew that. I saw it in his eyes, felt it in my soul. I knew it.
It just sucked to have it confirmed.