“I’m half a world away!” I said louder.
“I don’t understand.”
And he didn’t. Because he wasn’t the type of man who cared if is fiancée needed a timeout and took it half a world away.
And I wondered what he’d think if I told him I was staying in the beautiful home with breathtaking views with a amazing looking man who’d seen me na**d (mostly), made me breakfast, teased me, flirted with me and who I’d kind of slept with.
“Are you there?” he asked me.
“I’m here.”
“I need to go.”
“Of course.”
“Call me later, if you like.”
“Right.”
“Are you okay?”
No, I was not.
I didn’t tell him this, instead I said, “Tired.”
“Rest, that’s what you’re there to do.”
No it wasn’t. I was there to take a timeout.
“Right,” I said again.
“Talk to you later.”
“Right.”
“Good-bye.”
“Bye.”
Then he disconnected.
I stared at my phone, hit the button to turn it off and set it on Max’s nightstand. Then I flopped back on the bed. Then I bit my lip so I wouldn’t cry.
Charlie had never met Niles and I wished he had. Charlie had always been sharp, good at reading people. Charlie would have given it to me gently but he would have given it to me straight.
Problem was, I didn’t think I needed Charlie to give it to me straight.
I lifted my left hand to my face and with my right hand I touched my ring.
I’d been thrilled when Niles asked me to marry him because I’d been in love with him. He was steady, he was quiet, he was predictable and he loved me in his Niles way.
He’d never cheat on me which had happened to me, back in the day when shit happened to me. He’d never be mean to me, say mean stuff to me, not on purpose just to hurt me and not when he was drunk which also had happened to me, back before I played it safe and shit happened to me. And he’d never lay a hand on me in anger which, unfortunately, also happened to me.
So he wasn’t affectionate. So he didn’t hold my hand, hug me, cuddle me, hold me when we slept. So he didn’t call me “honey” or “baby” or give me a nickname like “Duchess”.
He was solid, he had a good job, he worked hard. He didn’t play hard, just worked hard. He didn’t have a lot of friends. He didn’t like to go out much. What he liked to do was sit on the couch watching TV with me at his side. Or DVDs. He was content with that. In his Niles way, he loved that, just him and me, watching TV.
And I was content… ish. It wasn’t exciting but it was nice… ish. It meant I’d never get hurt again. Truly, there was something to be said for steady, quiet and predictable.