She shook her head. “No you don’t.”
“Oh yes, darling, we do. And we hurt for you and that’s a beautiful thing.”
“It isn’t.”
“It is. To be that loved, Mindy, it’s beautiful.”
She closed her eyes tight and then opened them.
“You’re strong.” It was an accusation.
“I’m not. What I am is someone who has a great Mom, I had a wonderful brother and I have a lot of good friends who helped me through. They taught me things along the way, filled me up with something that I could keep with me and I didn’t know what it was, not until now. I didn’t know they were filling me with something I could give away when it was my time to give. Something that I’m giving now, to you.”
She bit her lip and swallowed before whispering, “I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“Of course not, you were violated,” I whispered back. “What happened to you was hideous.”
“I’m weak.”
I pulled her face close to mine as I leaned in and rested my forehead to hers. “Then promise to find help to get strong.”
“I can’t get clean.”
“That’s because you’re polishing a diamond. How much more brilliant do you want it to shine, my lovely?”
Her body jerked so violently, her head came away from my hands.
“Mindy,” Bitsy called, I dropped my hands and Mindy struggled but she looked at Bitsy who lifted her arms toward the younger girl. “Come here, baby, I need you to listen to me now.” Mindy shook her head, Bitsy leaned forward and urged, “Please, give me your hands.”
“I can’t,” Mindy sobbed.
Bitsy leaned forward further and took Mindy’s hands. Lifting them up between them, she shook them hard.
“After this happened to me, I thought about suicide,” Bitsy shared and Mindy hiccoughed a loud sob and tried to pull away but Bitsy held on tight. “I did, so many times, God, so many.”
“I can’t do this,” Mindy moaned.
“I wish someone like Nina knew,” Bitsy talked over her. “I wish I had this kind of support around me. I had to fight back the urge on my own,” Bitsy said. “I never told anyone, until I told Nina the other day. I don’t know how I made it.”
“You… you…” Mindy stuttered.
“I fought it back. Sometimes I didn’t know why, what was the point? But I did it and I’m glad I did.”
“Wh… why?” Mindy asked.
“Because I have nieces now and they’re the loves of my lives. Because, no matter what people think, I had more time with Curt and he was good to me, he made me laugh. Because I got to watch you grow up and grow beautiful.” Mindy shook her head and tried to pull her hands away again but Bitsy held tight. “This kind of thing happens to you, one thing I learned is that you have to give away some of the pain. You can’t carry it all with you.”
“I… I’ve tried, with Becca, I don’t know how to let it go,” Mindy told Bitsy.
“It’s easy, you just give it away,” Bitsy explained.
“I –”
“Give me your pain, Mins,” Bitsy ordered gently.
Mindy shook her head and pulled at her hands again.
“Give it,” Bitsy urged and the tears kept falling but Mindy just stared at Bitsy until Bitsy leaned in even closer and whispered, “Give it to me, honey.”