“…then she got in a debate, with the quizmaster, on television and took him to task for his superior, sexist attitude.”
Oh my God. Mom was sharing the Dreaded High School Brain Team Story.
“Mom,” I cut in.
“Quiet, sweetie, I’m telling Max the Brain Team Story.”
I hit the kitchen seeing Max was at his usual place against the sink, Steve was at a stool and Mom was at the counter surrounded by what looked like everything in Max’s cupboards.
I had no time to ask about Mom’s apparent surprise kitchen inventory, I had to stop the Brain Team Story.
“I know, Mom, and I wish you wouldn’t.”
She stopped and looked at me with raised brows. “I’ll never know why you’re embarrassed by that story.”
“How many reasons do you want?” I asked.
“Three!” Mom shot back.
I lifted my hand and counted them down. “One, I did it on local television and everyone saw. Two, I was kicked off the Brain Team and suspended from school. And three, I was on the Brain Team at all.”
“Men like smart girls,” she retorted.
“Yes, that’s what you told me when I didn’t have a date to the senior prom.”
She leaned forward and returned, “You didn’t have a date to the senior prom because that silly Flannery boy broke up with you for that terrible Sipowicz girl.” Mom turned to Max and added, “She had too much hair, always flouncing it around, and she was loose.”
Mom spoke the truth. Perry Sipowicz had a lot of hair she was always flouncing around and she definitely was loose.
“Anyway,” Mom turned back to the counter and started moving stuff around what appeared to be randomly, “I was proud of my Neenee Bean for sticking up to that awful television person. He thought he was God’s gift and everyone could see he was wearing a hairpiece. And he was being sexist. He wouldn’t let Nina answer any of the questions and she was the only girl on either school’s team. So I was glad she told him off.” She turned back to Max and finished, “It was then I knew she’d make a brilliant attorney. She got into every school she applied to.”
“Mom,” I said, moving toward the coffeepot, “enough.”
“You did,” Mom muttered, looked at Max and repeated, “She did.”
I looked at Max and rolled my eyes. Max smiled.
I asked the room, “Who wants coffee?”
“Me!” Mom cried as if I wasn’t standing right next to her which I was.
I looked over my shoulder at Steve, pulling down mugs from the cupboard. “Steve?”
“A cup would hit the spot, Nina.”
I looked at Max as I went to the fridge for milk. “Max?”
“Yeah, baby.”
Mom leaned into me when I made it back to the counter by her side and she whispered loudly even though if she whispered softly Max could still hear her as he was maybe two feet away. “I like that, the ‘baby’ thing. He’s yummy.”
“Stop calling Max yummy in front of Steve.”
“Oh, Steve doesn’t mind,” Mom dismissed with a wave of her hand.
“Okay, then stop calling Max yummy in front of Max.”
Mom leaned back to look behind me at Max and informed him, “Nina can be a bit uptight.”