“We’re staying with you,” Mom said, foiling my plan.
I stared.
“Yeah, we have it all figured out,” Sofia told me. “Mom can sleep on your futon and Marilyn and I’ll sleep in your bed. You can sleep on the couch.”
Of course, I’d get the couch in my own damned house.
I didn’t have the time, or the energy, to fight the fight. I needed reinforcements. Macho man with a great mustache and a tight ass reinforcements.
“I need to take a shower,” I said.
“We’ll wait,” Mom replied.
I looked at Mrs. Stark. She was smiling at me and I could swear she was trying to communicate that it was all going to be okay.
She was so wrong.
I ran upstairs, straight to my bedroom, closed the door, nabbed the phone and called Luke.
“Yeah?” he answered.
“Luke –” I began.
“I thought you weren’t speakin’ to me,” he sounded like he was smiling.
“My Mom and sisters are here.”
Silence for a beat then, smile gone from his voice, he asked, “Come again?”
“Your Mom told my Mom that we were together and it looked serious. My Mom gathered the Barlow Bitches from Hell and they all came, in their words, to ‘see for themselves’.”
“Why the f**k would they do that?”
“I don’t know,” I cried, but quietly so my family wouldn’t hear. “They’re the Barlow Bitches from Hell. Why do they do anything?”
“You sound agitated,” Luke pointed out the obvious.
“Did you hear me?” I squealed then sucked in a controlling breath before I went on more quietly. “My Mom and sisters are here to see for themselves that we’re serious.”
“Babe, calm down.”
“Calm is not an option. I need cookies. I need tequila. I need cookies drenched in tequila. I can barely cope with my family when my life isn’t complicated to the point of insanity. But, may I remind you, my life is complicated to the point of insanity!”
My voice was again rising.
He was quiet for a moment then he said using The Voice, “Ava, you can handle it.”
I took a deep breath and replied softly, hating that I had to admit it but, bottom line, I had to admit it, “I want to say I can, Luke, but I can’t. They’re going to chew me up and spit me out. They always do.”
“Is Ma there?”
“Yes.”
“She’ll look after you.”
“Luke, even Super Mom Stark is no match for the Barlow Super Bitches. You know that.”
Another moment of silence then, “I’ll be there in fifteen.”