“I’m thinkin’ you bitches best stop talkin’ about vibrators. We got a pack of wild men in the next room plannin’ a human hunt and you women are talkin’ about sex toys,” Smithie threw in, sounding exasperated.
I looked at Smithie and said with feeling, “Thank you.”
“Who brought him?” Tod whispered loudly to Indy.
“I did. I figured we needed all the help we could get,” Jet replied.
“He’s kind of a kill joy,” Tod went on. “I like the idea of a Vibrator Ceremony. After we’re done burying them, we could make canapés and drink champagne. It’s a lot more fun to talk about that than hunting down humans.”
Tod was not wrong.
“Oh for f**k’s sake!” Duke exploded.
“All right!” I shouted before I lost any more control. “Listen up.”
All eyes turned back to me.
I took a deep breath.
Then I realized I didn’t have anything to say.
So, as any good Rock Chick would, I winged it. “Let’s break this down. First, some guy hit Bobby in the head with a baseball bat. Seems everyone has forgotten that but I haven’t. I don’t even know Bobby and I know something’s gotta give with the guy who hit Bobby. You with me?”
There were a couple of nods but mostly the Rock Chicks looked confused.
“Um, he’s kinda in jail,” Roxie reminded me. “Remember, Hector and Darius got him? Hank told me Bobby ID’d the guy from mug shots and after that he confessed.”
Oh. Yeah. I forgot the first part, the second part was good news.
I decided to forge ahead. “Okay, that’s sorted,” I announced. “Then, second, last night was not good. For some reason it seems it was worse for Luke than it was for me.”
“That’s because you’re a steel magnolia, Sugar,” Daisy chimed in.
She got more nods than I did.
“What the hell does that mean?” Tex asked.
“You seen the movie Steel Magnolias?” Daisy asked Tex.
“Fuck no,” Tex stated the obvious.
“Watch it, then you’ll understand,” Daisy went on.
“Will someone please tell me why we’re talkin’ about a f**kin’ Julia Roberts movie?” Duke put in.
“It wasn’t a Julia Roberts movie, it was a Dolly Parton movie,” Daisy snapped back.
“It was really a Sally Field movie,” Jet said quietly.
“Oh pu-lease. Everyone knows Shirley MacLaine stole the whole damn show,” Tod threw out.
“Someone kill me,” Smithie begged.
“People!” I yelled.
Everyone quieted and turned back to me.
When I had their attention I continued. “All right, so, second point, part A. Luke’s off-the-scales pissed and Lee’s none too happy either which means Noah, my ex, is f**ked. I don’t mind that, I just don’t want anyone I care about doing something stupid and f**king up their life in order to make Noah pay. Which takes me to part B, I’m pissed too. I mean, the guy beat me up, taped me to a post and put his hand down my pants but it’s worse! At the same time he was stealing my auntie’s jewelry and all my money, he was conning a seventy-year-old disabled lady out of her retirement fund and he stole her car!”