Normally, it would make me uncomfortable.
Normally, I would call my Ice Princess.
But their faces were open and their eyes were kind. Instead of feeling uncomfortable, it felt like they were open because they wanted me to give it to them so they could take it away from me. Even though it was bad stuff, really bad stuff. But that way, I wouldn’t have to hold it inside anymore.
Now, how bizarre was that?
I put my hands in my hair, pulling it away from my head and looked at Mace’s boots.
Then my hands dropped and I whispered, “I can’t stop thinking about it. Thinking that she died scared. I hate it that I’ll never see her again, because I always thought…” I stopped then took a deep breath and started again, “But I hate it more that she probably died scared.”
Then all of a sudden, that big, hard, burning thing came back into my chest and it started choking me. I even made a choking sound out loud.
“Oh blast! I’m going to f**king cry again,” I announced then my hands went over my face and I burst into tears.
Within moments, I felt fingers curl around my wrists and strong hands pull me out of my chair. Then I was up against a rock hard body that, for a second, I thought was Hector’s. But it was bigger than Hector’s body, taller and the arms that wrapped around me were different.
I looked up and was shocked to see Mace through wet eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
His hand went to the top of my head and slid down my hair to my neck. He put pressure there until my cheek was against his chest.
“Don’t be.” His deep voice sounded over my head and rumbled in my ear.
My arms slid around his waist and I held onto him and he held onto me and I cried silently against the chest of a man I didn’t know at all, except his name. And I did it in a bookstore, full of people, some I knew, most I didn’t.
And I didn’t care, not even a little bit because, as I cried, I felt that hard, hot ball in my chest start to shrink and fade until, after awhile, it was nearly gone.
Then I was shifted, turned and Hector was there. His arm went around my shoulders and he tucked me in his side, curling me to face him. His hand went to my face, his thumb wiping at the wetness there.
“You okay?” he murmured.
“Stop asking me that,” I replied.
He grinned and his fingers formed a fist, his knuckles slid across my cheekbone gently before his hand fell away.
“You’re okay.”
I put my temple to his shoulder then saw a big mug with foamy milk on top thrust into my line of sight.
“Drink that, woman,” Tex ordered and I looked up at him as I took the mug. “Shee-it. Someone get her a Kleenex, her makeup’s runnin’.”
My hand not holding the mug shot to my face to wipe away mascara.
“Don’t bother. It’s all over the place. You need a mirror,” Tex told me with brutal honesty or, I should say, Tex boomed at me with brutal honesty so, perhaps, the one person on the other side of the room who hadn’t witnessed my meltdown could be in on the show.
I still wiped, Tex still stared, Hector still kept me tucked tight to his side.
Daisy handed me a Kleenex and then Tex spoke (or boomed) again, “Don’t know your Ma. Figure she was good people, she did what Indy says she did. Do know, she was here, she’d be f**kin’ proud. You been through what you been through and you’re still standin’. Lotsa women wouldn’t only bend, they’d break but you didn’t do either and you’re still standin’. You were my daughter, I’d be so f**kin’ proud, I’d shout it from the rooftops. I figure, so would your Ma. And you can take that to the f**kin’ bank.”
Then he was gone and I stared in the space where he was for several, speechless, open-mouthed seconds, letting his words penetrate my brain.
And then something else hit my chest, it was that weird, warm, happy glow but it was so intense, so invasive, so overwhelming that it made the painful, burning, hot ball that had been there before seem puny.
Then I burst into fresh tears, these loud and wailing.
Smooth Move Hector divested me of my coffee cup, handed it to the waiting Daisy and pulled me into his arms.