I waited for him to say something else, like he didn’t want to let me go, like he would have preferred if I didn’t go.
But he didn’t say anything else.
I let the silence stretch between us.
Then I said, “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you letting me go?”
His arm tightened, contradicting his earlier words.
“Awhile ago, you said, if you care about something, you have to set it free, if it comes back to you –”
“I remember,” I whispered.
“I stil think it’s bul shit.”
Even though I felt that thing that had knitted inside me was in danger of unraveling, I couldn’t help but smile.
“So, I go home to Chicago and you hope I’l come back to Denver?” I asked.
“No, you move on, I move on. If there’s some way to move on together, that’d work for me. In the meantime, I’m not waitin’ for you and I don’t want you to feel obliged to come back to me.”
My smile disappeared, my throat closed and Hank’s face went into the back of my hair.
“You’ve been alone and felt trapped for a long time, Roxie. Soon, you’l be free of al this shit. You have good friends and a family that loves you. They’l see you through.” I didn’t want them to see me through. I wanted Hank to see me through.
Good God.
I was going to start crying again. How many tears did a body make?
I knew this was good, I knew it was the right thing, but it felt very wrong.
“Last thing I want to do, last thing I ever wanted to do, was make you feel trapped,” he murmured into my hair.
“So, I’m lettin’ you go.”
That’s when I knew.
I knew why his eyes looked unsettled after he’d talked to Stevie and Indy. I knew why his touch on my cheek was so poignant.
He thought he was making me feel trapped.
He wasn’t letting me go because he wanted to, because I’d final y convinced him I wasn’t good enough for him, because I was annoying and stubborn, because I was a nut or because my mother cal ed out to Sweet Jesus.
He was letting me go so I could, final y, feel free.
Oh… my… God.
He was such a good guy.
The thing that I thought had started unraveling inside me tightened up.
Then steel bands slid across it and locked it into place.
“Whisky?” I cal ed.