Daisy and Annette were already there. Al y arrived ten minutes after we did.
Annette and Jason had spent part of the day getting over hangovers from the Lottie Strip Club Extravaganza and part of the day mountain biking again. Annette told me that Jason opted out of The Emergency Wedding Summit to watch a bal game with Eddie at his house.
At that moment, I wished I was with them.
“Wel ?” Tod interrupted my thoughts. “You have style. You wear Jimmy Choo, Manolo and have a real pashmina. Your opinion counts. So, what do you think?” Tod asked, as if anyone who hadn’t gone the way of five hundred dol ar shoes didn’t have the right to an opinion. He went on, giving an inch. “Okay, I’l grant that maybe chocolate isn’t good for a wedding but we could pul off tangerine. I know we could.” His stare moved from me and turned into a glare when it settled on Indy.
“Roxie? You okay?” Annette asked, her green eyes both sharp and kind as they looked at me.
Slowly, I put my champagne glass on the coffee table and stood. “No,” I said to Annette. “No, I don’t think I’m okay.”
Annette stood too, preparing. She’d known me a long time, she knew what was coming.
“Honey –” she started.
I turned from her to Tod.
“Tod, you’re sweet but it’s Indy’s wedding. The colors are pink and ivory, she’s having a DJ, not a band, so they can play AC/DC or whatever the f**k she wants to hear. If she wants gerbera daisies, she’s going to f**king wel have them. And there wil be no teddy bears anywhere. You of al people know India Savage is not a teddy bear person.” Tod blinked at me then said, “Okay, girlie. Sit down, let me get you more champagne.”
“No,” I continued. “I don’t think I can sit down and I don’t want any more champagne.” I started pacing. “Oh… my….
God! Bil y’s out there, watching me. I was walking Shamus with Hank and he was watching. I was talking with Hank in his 4Runner and he was watching. Hank kissed me and he was f**king watching! ”
“Honey, come here,” Annette said softly.
I ignored her.
“I tried to fix Hank up with another woman today. What was I thinking? I cannot believe I did that! I humiliated Beth.
It was bitchy, even though I didn’t mean to be bitchy, it was stil bitchy. Hank was so angry with me, he was so angry it hurt. Then, he wasn’t angry anymore. Just like that, poof! ” I flicked my hands out in front of me. “He had it under control and we were like, normal again. What in the hell is that al about? Fighting is supposed to be out of control, ugly and brutal, where you say shit you can’t take back and behave like idiots and someone, usual y me, ends up in tears. I don’t know how to fight like that, where you just say what you have to say and get over it. I mean, what the hel is that?”
I was now shouting.
“She gets like this sometimes. You just gotta rol with it,” Annette explained to the room.
I continued to ignore her and ranted on. “Hank wants to have a conversation tonight. We had a conversation last night! I can’t have another conversation! He’l say shit that freaks me out because he’s, like, in my brain. We haven’t even known each other for two weeks! How can he be in my brain? It’s unreal,” I yel ed.
Everyone kept silent and watched me.
“Then he’l kiss me and I’l get dizzy and won’t be able to think straight. This is too soon. It’s too much, too soon. I need to think, I need to get my life together, I need to get, the f**k, out of here.”
I started shaking and my nostrils started stinging and I knew it was coming. I couldn’t have stopped it even if I tried.
I turned to Annette as the tears fel down my cheeks.
“Nettie,” I whispered. “He’s out there and he’s watching me.”
Then I couldn’t see her anymore because she melted in my tears.
Arms closed around me and I heard Annette murmur in my ear. “Hush, sweetie. Hush now.”
“He’s watching me,” I repeated. “He’s watching me with Hank. I don’t want his filthy eyes on Hank.”
“Hush,” Annette said.
I wrapped my arms around her and held on tight. She held me back and only moved to stroke my hair.
After awhile, I heard her say, “Can we use your bathroom?”